I really felt the need deep in my heart to hop on here and share. I am in my feelings lately & quite frankly, I have no one to talk to.

So the story goes like this;

I lost my mom back in December 2018. I lost her the year I first became a mother. I was mourning a death and celebrating one, all at the same time.

I fell pregnant again, and I was beginning to feel somewhat better. My baby was born February 2020 and I found some of the lost joy again in my life. I was hopeful again, until I suddenly lost my dad in December 2020. I was completely broken once again.

I lost both parents the week of Xmas

I lost both my parents the week OF my birthday.

So deeply traumatizing?

All I can help but feel is : embarrassed.

I am an orphaned child at 30 years old and now I am expected to live a whole life without both of my parents. I don’t see this being possible.

I moved away from my hometown….

I hid from everyone. Family, friends, acquaintances. Because I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. Almost like everyone will point me out and say “poor thing, she lost both parents, let’s feel sorry for her”

I am trying to re-do my life and recreate it, but I don’t quite know what I’m striving for here. What person do I want to become? How do I grow as a person after so much tragedy?

I don’t know why I came on here, wether to vent and let it out, or hear others perspectives. Maybe some input about if I’m playing the victim role and need to snap out of it… or how others see it from an outside perspective Thanks for hearing me out if you stuck this long.