We've been together for 13 years, since I was 14. No serious problems in our relationship, did all the "right" steps; stay loyal to one man, marriage, buy a home, dog, baby. He's been my only sexual partner and love (reminds me I've had lots of missed opportunities).  Married for 3 years and had our 1st baby almost 3 months ago. I now hate my husband.

He made my pregnancy a nightmare. The entire pregnancy I felt ugly, unloved, ill prepared and totally afraid of hurting, my already high risk, pregnancy with my stress. That was all thanks to him. He would say incredibly hurtful things like, "Ew, your belly is getting so big...You're so lazy...Fat pig..." Or make me install the new floor, trim, and paint the nursery alone at 7 months pregnant. Yeah, things that he'd never said before. I'm not dumb, I know these are signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. Now that my beautiful baby is here, he is making my maternity leave miserable. It has been so unpleasant, besides of course being with my sweet baby. He's been an awful husband and an awful father. He's told the baby to shut up when crying, he's left me home alone while suffering through mastitis...104 degree fever, shakes, vomitting...oh yeah, it was bad. All while taking care of a 1 month old alone. My leave is through 2/5 and I'm terrified of leaving my baby with a sitter, so he's been using my fear as ammo. He threatens me that I'm going to go back to work early. I won't of course, I know no one can MAKE me do anything. But just his threats, using my fears, are so freaking hurtful. 

Here's the thing, I'm really not a dummy. I swear. I'm educated, I have a career. I make more money than him. Honestly, the material things we have and the kind of life we live, is because of me. I don't say that ever though. But what I trying to get at, not doing a good job, is that I'm generally a strong, independent, well rounded, intelligent woman. But during this pregnancy and birth, I'm finding myself so vulnerable, sensitive, and almost pathetic with needing his love and attention. I hate him now. He has hurt me so so bad throughout this time. And even worse has been a terrible father already.

I feel like he has seen that I am so vulnerable and is feeding off of it. Which is sick and is a serious problem. But now I'm turning into one of those women who I have always despised. The ones who say they don't want to leave their marriage because they want their children to have a complete family. And again, I know that a happy single parent home is better than a miserable home with both. But we're sooo good a faking. No one knows we have problems. No one has ever known anytime we have any issues. I NEVER talk to anyone about our problems, never have. I learned very early on that no one loves your partner the way you love your partner, so I don't say anything bad about him as no one would have forgiven him the way I had. Speaking in past tense because I don't forgive him for anything he's done as of late. I don't think I could ever forgive him, I have such hard feelings towards him that are so very deep. 

Facebook makes us look like a perfect family who has it all. Our families have no clue. We can go from screaming fighting to walking into a family dinner holding hands and laughing. It's sick. I've not allowed us to argue in front of the baby, and I'll always protect her from this mess. I'll protect her from him if I have to. So she would never really know how much her mommy hated her dad.

Ugh, this has just gone way off what I originally wanted to say. I hope you didn't read this whole rambling mess, I wouldn't have...I'm just trying to say I'm so damn stuck. I hate him. I want the family that I worked so hard for. He's ruining our marriage and our family. I hate him.