Just needing some words of encouragement

I did something that I regret everyday. Ever since that day I have fought the urge to give up on life. I feel like my life is a burden on me. It’s hard to wake up everyday and do life because I am in so much pain. I wanted to do an IOP at a hospital near me, but I can’t afford to miss work. I have been trying to get out the house and do things to get my mind off this negativity but everyone was busy today. I’m not dependent of people by any means, but it helps to be around my friends and/or loved ones so I’m not at home overthinking what I’m thinking now. I don’t want to tell my friends or family how bad my depression is and how sometimes I think of how I could just end it. I don’t always want to be the depressed negative friend so I just hold it in. I have people in my corner yet I feel so so alone. Anyways, just needing to hear some nice words of encouragement. Thank you in advance.