Am I the only one upset or would you be too?

My husband is military. He has been going out of state or what we call tdy at least once if not twice every month. I told him we needed to stop all tdy’s once we got close to 30 weeks because that’s when I start having problems with preterm labor in the past. I cannot bring our two toddlers with me to the ER or labor and delivery due to them being under the age of 10.

Well, I’m now 28 weeks and we have been having problems. I’ve been in and out of labor and delivery twice now. To kick it off, I’ve also been in bed more than 48 hours with extreme diarrhea and vomiting. The pain I’m in is excruciating and I’ve already lost 12 lbs in 24 hours. Am I in labor? No, I probably am not, but I’d be screwed (in my opinion) if I was left alone with my children. I almost went to the ER as I wasn’t sure if things would get better. I just picked up my son after starting to feel “okay” and I’m now back to feeling like pure crud with stomach/back pain crying alone in bed.

Today my husband told me he is going tdy as he has turned down 5 of them apparently and had weak excuses as to why he couldn’t go. He will be leaving while I’m exactly 30 weeks and go into 31 weeks. I’m beyond upset with him for accepting and calling preterm labor a weak excuse. What do I do in the middle of the night if something happens (only once have I not been to L&D during the night). We do not have family here and we also lack friends let alone friends who’d we trust to watch our children.

I’m freaking out over what could happen as things have already been rough. Am I over reacting? He thinks I am.

Edit: living with family isn’t an option. My in laws are having health problems including cancer. They do not have the energy to watch two toddlers and my parents work full time (50-80 hrs) without the ability to take off if needed. I would be in a similar boat and throwing my kids schedule out the window. I have grandparents, but the last time I visited them, they locked myself and my kids out of the house because my toddlers were “bad”. They were tired from a long trip of traveling, so I have zero trust or faith in them. They also left my son in the same diaper all day when I trusted them for a date with my husband. We’ve actually only gone on 4 dates in almost 5 years because we’ve only been able to go when my parents visit which isn’t often due to their crazy schedules. I’ve also been told not to travel at this point by my OB

He actually does have the ability to say yes or no to these tdy’s. He is not forced to do them. I do know of one this year that was not a choice. However, we’re getting out, so looking good for the military is no longer a priority for him. His commander is also supportive of family life. His squadron commander is the only thing above him outside of the base commander. He’s a flight commander. We’ve always been lucky to find bases that support family life. My husband is making a choice. Just as an example, my husband had a deployment at our last base and was up to leave weeks after returning and moving to our new base. His commander had our bases rotation skipped to keep him home with us.

I wish you much luck! I also hope your Husband makes it home in time for the birth!

Daniela: so I can’t say it is fact, but I think he finds a cool tdy and goes. He stopped telling me what tdy is what after we had a falling out back in December. I told my husband I needed him and he still left. While I was sitting in the shower for hours on end with nonstop migraines and blood draining from my sinuses. It was a severe infection that wasn’t responding to antibiotics. he’d send me photos of him drinking beer on the beach with coworkers that we’ve long moved away from. That tdy was literally just a briefing. I was livid when he told me. I can’t get into too much details, but a lot of his tdys have been briefings and retirement related for higher ranking. We already know we’ve been removed from the pcs season this coming summer and he will not be selected for major as his master’s was not completed (on purpose because it apparently adds to his commitment to the Air Force), so we are definitely out this coming year once he is replaced. When we talked about it last night, he said he needs a better excuse as to why he can’t go tdy, which makes me assume it’s another useless tdy that he just wants to go to. I could be wrong, but I’ve also met his commanders and both have been absolutely lovely and understanding of our situation. I’ve even gotten close to the base commanders wife and we’ve had play dates and lunch dates. I can’t imagine they’d send him unless he isn’t communicating with them. He loves the military and it’s his dream job. If his next assignment wasn’t going to be a tour, I believe he would have stayed in. He’s actually done a lot of good for his enlisted and I support what he does, but I think he might prioritize his job over us sometimes without realizing it. We had actually planned for his mom to help us out back in January, but she was shortly diagnosed after that. We didn’t have a back up plan and it’s crumbling. We’re actually using family names (she has strong feelings about family names) for our expected baby in her honor. Anyways, I think I’m just angry and frustrated. I can’t imagine they’d turn me away even if I don’t have childcare, but with covid…. I don’t know what to expect from the hospital.

I’ve actually never heard of overnight daycare. I do not see any in my area when searching 24 or nighttime daycare. Is there a better way to find them? I used Winnie and nothing popped up. Is there a better search engine? We currently have the CDC, which is on base. That is daycare services for 11 hours 5 days a week if there is no family days for the week.