Over the years I’ve felt like I was losing my ever loving mind a week before my period. I would feel great and fairly carefree most days but one day I’d wake up and everything felt dark. My brain wouldn’t work. I would get overly paranoid about my relationship about past issues that I thought I’ve moved on from and I would dig myself into a deep dark hole. Loud noises and overstimulation would be at a all time high. I could hardly take care of my kids without getting so angry. Everything I enjoyed was no longer enjoyable. The pretty sky I’d admire everyday felt pointless. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I’d hate my husband and myself. I’d cry often and have panic attacks for no reason. I wouldn’t be able to watch emotional movies or shows because id physically and emotionally feel what they felt and it would impact my thoughts severely. Life felt better if I wasn’t here. I’d drive and fight with myself to convince myself not to crash my car to end my feelings. The thoughts of ending my own life would be very strong some days when most days I wouldn’t imagine feeling this way. Constant anxiety, over analyzing, and guilt. There id fall into a deep hole and unable to get out. Most days I’d look in the mirror and I’d see me. Little chubby… but still pretty. Felt like I was a good person and overall fairly confident. When I had my bad days I didn’t know who I was looking at. I felt ugly. Embarrassed to even let my husband see me because how could he ever love this. I didn’t look like what I remembered myself looking like. Surely that couldn’t be me? Then comes Aunt Flo. Everything was suddenly normal. The motivation to do things would come back. These thoughts and emotions would go away. Even knowing that these feelings were caused by my oncoming period didn’t help. Those feelings and loud thoughts grab ahold of everything and suck you down with it regardless if you tell yourself it will only last a few days. On my normal days when Aunt Flo was here and just gone I couldn’t understand how I could feel that way. It made no sense. Everything feels bright now how could it suddenly feel so dark for no reason? How could I distance myself from every person and let this hole devour me. Doctors pushed birth control and it didn’t help. Told me it was depression. Even told me it was hard having two kids and it was normal. Suggested anti depressants. Tried Paraguard and that made it SO MUCH WORSE. Even my ovulation went out of wack. I was never so relieved to pull something out of my vagina in my life after I struggled for months over 50% of the month with this disorder. I dislike putting medicine into my body or extra hormones. Feels like you’re getting rid of some symptoms but gaining SO many more. Atleast with my experiences. My options felt limited. Felt tempted to even take out my whole uterus and ovaries but nobody is willing to do that before you’re thirty because maybe I’ll want 3 kids instead of my two. No thank you. So far I’ve learned to take natural vitamins. Ashwaganda, and eat healthier. Working out even helps a ton but proves to be very hard when you have a baby and a 4 year old and no car or anyone to watch the kids 😂 and a kid that suggests he’s too tired after walking a quarter of a mile. 😂 I want to feel normal again. Not whoever I become a week or more out of the month. If you’re reading this and can relate you’re not alone. Through research there are steps you can take without seeing a doctor to help. If you can find a good doctor then give me their number 💀😂 Mine don’t listen.