I haven't stopped crying since I found out

Stacie • Mother to Ben 👦🏽, Bash 👦🏽, and Braxton 👶🏽, 420 enthusiast 🔥💨, lover of life 😍🤘🏾
Late last night, I noticed blood when I wiped. At first, I thought it was implantation bleeding, but there was too much of it. I took a pregnancy test a few hours later, and it came back negative. 
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​Why, after 5 bfps, would my period come? I feel like my body has played the absolute worst trick on me. I've been wanting this so badly, that having a baby was all I could think about.
​In those three days I was supposedly pregnant, I felt like a mom already. I already had names picked out, I was shopping on amazon for picture frames for my first ultrasound, I was thinking of neat ways to tell my mom and family that I was having my first child. 
​But now I can't.  
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​So, now I'm back to square one.  
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​I don't want to be pregnant if this is going to happen every time. I can't even look at pictures of babies without bawling my eyes out and thinking about what my Penelope or Ethan would've looked like. 
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​I'm so depressed. I'm not going to be leaving my room for a very long time. I'm not going to be trying for another baby for a very long time. It's just not worth it.