I never been this sad...

I'm 2 months postpartum... I love my baby I wanted him so badly after losing my first child... I was so into my depression that i didn't think about anything I just wanted a baby so bad and now I feel stuck. I can't stand my body my son doesn't let me sleep I feel like I'm stuck I know it.will eventually get better but I feel so behind I got married at a young age I could of have a lot done by now, but no I'm stuck with no job ( all because I wanted to listen to my almost ex husband and not work ) he really thought I was going to cheat on him and now he's over there having fun going to parties while I'm stuck with my son.... I feel useless asf my baby's dad treated me like shit, he was using me to get a US green card .. im glad he didn't get it, we were waiting in the application but it hasn't come just yet and I'm great full asf ... now I feel like why couldn't he love him I love him so much I did everything for him I left my home school and everything om I'm torn into pieces as I feel like I don't want to never love anyone because NO ONE will ever love me I never felt this ugly in my life this unwanted and I never felt so much anger towards someone in my life mmm I feel so tired