A little back story:

My mom and stepdad have been together for 11 years. My husband and I have a 14 month old daughter and are 31 weeks pregnant with baby girl #2.

Since our daughter was born, we’ve started getting creepy vibes from my stepdad that I’ve never gotten before.

Last year we noticed that he always left the room whenever holding our daughter. I thought it was strange that he felt the need to leave the rest of the family to go someone alone with her. We also noticed that he always followed my husband or I to watch diaper changes, and no other family members felt the need to do that. We asked him to not do those things.

More recently, he was taking pictures of her in the kiddy pool. I asked my mom to ask him to stop. I guess he’s been giving her the cold shoulder ever since.

He also has a daughter that he’s estranged from and I never thought much about that situation until I started getting weird vibes from him.

I feel bad about being uncomfortable with him because he’s always been nothing but kind to me and my family. That being said, my gut tells me something isn’t right. I also don’t want to be accusatory when he hasn’t actually done anything.

I haven’t been comfortable sending our daughter for a sleepover there because I don’t want him to do something inappropriate. Obviously this upsets my mom because she wants to be able to have overnights with her granddaughter. We had a discussion today where she reiterated that this isn’t how she imagined grandmotherhood going. I told her I also didn’t imagine things this way and that it would be far easier for my husband and I if we could just send our kids for sleepovers there…but we can’t bring ourselves to do it.

*as an aside, my mom added “I don’t know if he’d leave me over this, but if he did, my retirement goes with him”. I told her that was too much pressure to put on me. She acknowledged that and apologized.

I’m struggling between feeling crazy and feeling like it’s not my fault that our boundaries are hurting feelings. What do I do?