Co parenting advice?

Question

So I don’t know what to do, my daughter is 5 and she’s getting ready to start school. School is important to me and I want her to be able to do good and not be stressed or anything like that when it comes to home life. She goes with her dad a lot during the week after he gets off of work, and I don’t mind but I’d appreciate it if maybe he brought her back in time to be able to give her enough time to get ready for bed and school the next day. So about 8-8:30pm latest, so she can have about an hour to get ready for bed and get sleep. During the weekends I try not to interfere too much with what he does with her but his mom is always reaching out to me the next day (if daughter spends the night with her dad) saying he’s passed out from a night of drinking, which he does with her in his custody and still thinks it’s safe to drive around with her, and wants to bring her home to me. Now I don’t mind that she comes home since he can’t seem to be responsible enough to wake up and care for her, it bugs me that his mom just lets him sleep and doesn’t try and enforce him to be a parent hangover or not though. 
Now I’m so close to just keeping her with me all the time due to the issues during the week since she’s going to be starting school now, and the issues on the weekend. I’m pregnant right now (his, not relevant I know but) and I can’t be dealing with the stress of him not learning to be responsible for her let alone a baby. Am I being too harsh? Should I enforce some type of ground rules? I’ve never been one to keep her from him but he still tries and acts like he’s a teenager out partying throughout the nights with our daughter and not knowing how important I think school is and a good nights rest for her to do good in school. What can I do so I don’t just take her from him completely but also trying to keep her safe and him aware that education is important?

Answer

Main thing: if he is driving under the influence with her in the car, I would be getting evidence and taking it to court to get full custody before he kills my daughter. 
As for the rest, this does not sound like a stable situation for a child. She needs consistency and a reliable schedule, she needs her bed time routine, she needs adequate sleep, she needs a parent that is not passed out and hungover. He needs to step up to provide these things she needs or get less time with her.

Answer

In regards to having her back early enough for a decent bed time, that should be the norm. He should realise how important childrens bed times are and there should be no question on it. I would absolutely put a time in place that she needs to be home by. 
In regards to the drinking, I’m sorry but I wouldnt be letting him have her if he was drinking and doing this whilst meant to be caring for her. That is totally irresponsible and dangerous.

Answer

Co-parenting can be extremely difficult, especially if you disagree with his lifestyle choices. Since you have an issue with his behavior while with the daughter, you should try to communicate, but if that fails, you may need to ask the court for help. Sounds like he needs to be in AA, if he cannot keep himself from drinking and partying while caring for his child. Also, sounds very immature! Maybe you should keep your daughter to yourself for a while. The time apart may show him he needs to do better or else he will never see his children. If you take him to court for child support, you will get child support and the only visits he will have with the children will probably be supervised only, until he gets himself together. Drinking and driving...no! Drinking and driving with a child(ren) in the car...BIG NO! ⛔️ You need to protect your daughter. If ever, God forbid, he is known to be under the influence while the daughter is with him, she can be taken away from him. And it won't be easy for you to get her back either because your judgment will be questioned since you allowed him to take her for the day, weekend, etc. The best first step is to have a conversation to try and find a solution. If he isn’t willing to talk, or if you aren’t happy with the outcome of the discussion, you may need to take additional steps to ensure your children’s safety. If you’ve tried to talk about your concerns and you’re getting nowhere, you might want to consider mediation. Mediation is a voluntary process that employs a neutral third-party (mediator) who will help facilitate a conversation between you and him. The goal in mediation is to find a solution that both parties agree with and that is beneficial for the child. Mediation is also confidential, so you can feel free to discuss your troubles without fear of either of you using it in court later. If you and him reach an agreement, the mediator can help put it in writing for the court. Since he may have a drinking problem, you can create an agreement to restrict his drinking while he spends time with the children. If it’s a severe drinking problem, you may want to consider asking your him to submit to random alcohol testing before parenting time or require proof of therapy or Alcoholics Anonymous meeting attendance. Sometimes mediation doesn’t work, and if you’ve tried but can’t agree, you’ll need to move forward with an official request to the court. In all states, if one parent develops an alcohol or drug addiction that puts the children at risk, it’s typically enough to convince the court to review the current order for a possible modification. Courts strive to maintain stability for children, so judges will review these requests carefully. You must provide the judge with evidence of his drinking problem, like arrest or DUI conviction records, witness statements, medical records and/or proof of drinking and driving the daughter home. If not, it becomes his word against yours, and that no longer becomes a simple case. Additionally, you should tell the court what changes you believe will benefit the child(ren). Some courts will refer the matter to a division of Family Court, to complete an investigation and provide a recommendation to the judge. You may have to ask the court to restrict his visits and order supervised parenting time only. Most courts reserve supervised parenting time for the most severe cases. But can potentially be granted for his time with the children, at least for now. Depending on the severity of his habits and addictions, supervised parenting time may be appropriate, at least temporarily. The court may ask him to participate in inpatient or outpatient treatment, weekly meetings, or a random drug test before considering allowing him to spend unsupervised time with your children. Start with having a serious sit down with him and proceed from there.

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It o Lu seems reasonable you would keep her since he clearly doesn’t have his shit together. Do better for your kid.

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Please take this advice…
Get 👏🏽 a 👏🏽 parenting 👏🏽 plan 👏🏽!!!
Express your concerns and have them filed with the court.

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he is not safe to be around why do you continue to let her go with him!! take him to court get full custody

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When he goes out drinking, is your daughters grandma in the house- or is she left alone?