How many sexual partners????

Question

So ladies what do you think? My boyfriend has always asked me how many sexual partners have I had in my lifetime. I am 33 years old he's 44 and when we argue sometimes he'll throw whatever I've told him back into my face. So rather than experience the torture torment of his hell-fide words that he may later use against me, I've never told him. I don't understand what difference will it make anyway since I've never had a disease sexually transmitted or any other infectious disease. I've been pregnant times before but wasn't able to carry my babies full term they've always died. So I don't have baby daddy drama I don't have exes appearing in and out of my life or anything like that. When I asked him why are you constantly asking me this, he never gives me an answer. I think he wants to know if I was a whore back in the day or not and honestly I was. I was raped twice as a teen and I lost my mind. I didn't have the help that I needed and my parents had abandoned me during my childhood for a while. My dad left at age 3 and would only Come around to get information to file taxes and my mother was devastated because he secretly divorced her so she fell under a severe depression and hated coming home because it was too many memories of him. She wanted to feel happy again so she started hanging out with people and not coming home. She'd be gone for up to 8 months at a time. I was out of school twice in 5th grade then in 6th grade because she wasn't around to help me with schooling.. my family started to give me up for adoption until my grandma stepped up to raise me. So I felt very unloved and I started getting involved with guys at the time older than I was who would ACT like they cared or loved me, once I would give in to sex, they would stick around for a short period of time and then be gone. If I say this to the man who I am with I don't want to scare him off or make him think that I just didn't have standards. Sometimes rape victims can do and say things out of their state of mind depending on how their rape affected their life. For me, I felt so unloved that I became suicidal and tried to kill myself three different times. Since that timing I've healed. But I am incredibly embarrassed about what I've done during my childhood and don't want him to know this. Should I tell him? Should I keep it to myself? What would you do had this been your experience? I just don't want the backlash and to experience this hurt again if I do tell him what my experience was. 😔😔😔😔

Accepted Answer

I’m sorry but if I didn’t feel safe opening up to my partner or had fear of something being thrown back in my face, I wouldn’t and couldn’t be with them.

Answer

That’s a HUGE red flag for me. It’s extremely immature and just plain insecure for a 44 year old man, hell. Any man!!! To ask that….. I’m 32, my husband is 31. We’ve been together for 5 years. Married for 1. We’ve never given a number or asked, things have come up and we’ve said random things here and there but never a blunt question like that. He had a life before me and I had a life before him.. That’s your past, it needs to stay in the past!

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With the way he is acting I wouldn't tell him shit... & I never understood why people feel like they need to know that...it doesn't help anything. Me & my partner have discussed how many people we've been with. I just feel it irrelevant 😂

Answer

First of all, you were never a “whore”, like what does that even mean?
Second, your boyfriend is really gross and sexist.

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Ummm, I wouldn’t even be with someone who constantly throws my past in my face 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Oh darling I’m so sorry to hear about the sad moments of your past but well done for making it through to the other side! 👏🏼♥️
In regards to your bf, I wouldn’t tell him as he doesn’t sound trustworthy of this type of information. 
You don’t deserve to have any of your past flung in your face and honestly, I think he sounds awful and no good for you. 
When you meet that right person, you will learn to be more open with them because you feel safe. The fact your asking and don’t want to tell your current partner indicates to me that he’s not the right one. 
I’m wishing you all the very best and keep us updated xx

Answer

Me and my husband are 21 years old. I get we got together young asf but we’ve been together 4yrs already and I wish he would ask me some shit like that. Whatever happened in the past when y’all weren’t together Is irrelevant at this point if it’s not affecting your relationship at all. We got together at 16 wen I was turning 17 and I got pregnant 3 months after my 16th birthday right before I got with him by another man. I’m not gonna lie I had a super hard life as well very similar to yours I was rapped 4 times at 15 and I was going around to man to man at 15 and 16 and my husband still doesn’t know to this day and never will bc neither one of us feel it’s important. I also got pregnant by a way older man which my husband knows about but it’s not a problem.

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Please dont tell him. Men do not need to know everything about your past as long as you put it in your past too. He will definitely use these things against you and you will start to relive your past. As long as you love who you are now, that is what is important. Everyone has a childhood secret, you dont need to bring it into your adulthood if you have overcome it.

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keep it to yourself. it’s not even relevant honestly, as long as you’re faithful to him, before him isn’t his business. i’ve never told my man how many people i’ve been with. it’s only 6 so not a huge number but 🤷🏼‍♀️ sex and body count does not define you. no matter how big or small the number is.

Answer

My partner knows all of my past and never has judged or loved me any less. And he also has never asked me how many men I've slept with. If I randomly told him one day, he wouldn't say anything, I'm sure of it, because we have both been very open with each other about what our lives were like before we met. Plus, the past is the past and your business to share if and when you feel the desire to. If my partner was asking me how many partners have I had, over and over, I'd just tell him the truth and if he doesn't like it or makes any weird comments then he knows where the door is--hopefully it doesn't hit him in the ass on his way out.