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This is such a hard predicament to be in and I certainly sympathize with you. In my life, I've been in relationships with people who have had their share of mental health struggles and it is not easy. That being said, I don't want to sugar coat it for you or give you false hope. If you stay with this man, you will for the remainder of your natural life, be dealing with this. The super high highs full of "I love yous" and "I can't imagine my life without you" followed by the most miserable lows you've ever seen. There could be breaks in between where he does actually leave, he may file for divorce, or actually divorce you only to stop short and make up or want to reconcile. It's a Rollercoaster that he really isn't in control of....you guys are on it together and at the whims of his sickness. Problem is that all the up and down, staying and leaving, making it work or calling it quits will hold you hostage. It will harm you and it will harm your child, giving you both a sense of unease and feeling of instability which is caustic at best, destructive at worst. What makes it worse by far is the fact that the "swings" are always unpredictable and always seem to manifest when you are least equipped to mitigate them. A slap in the face on a sunny Sunday morning so to speak. You have to decide what is best for you...and now for your child. I know you love this man, I'm certain he loves you as well, to the best of his abilities. The problem is....that may just not be enough. You can't build a life, a family, a whole picture with intent. You also cannot expose a child who needs a stable home to constant upheaval and misery. Should you take serious time and thought to plan your next steps? Yes.Should you consider dissolution of marriage on the best terms attempting to maintain a close friendship for the sake of your sanity and child? Also yes.I wish you clarity and the best of luck.
Husband considering leaving
So my husband deals with mental health problems. He is medicated, has a therapist (but hasn’t seen him for a while) and has a TON of support. When his mental health is in a good place, he loves me more than ever and wants to be with me and never wants to leave. But when his mental health is in a bad place, everything in his head is against me and he questions our relationship. I know that’s not who he is though and when his mental health is good again, he is not feeling that way. That’s why I always stick it out.
So I feel like my husband and I have been in the “roommate” phase for a little while now. I know that this is normal and can happen when there is not enough effort being put into the relationship. So for me it just means we need to put in more effort and focus on each other more than we have been.
For my husband, it makes him think we aren’t compatible. Everything in his mind is against me and he is questioning our relationship (because everything is against me, I feel like this is his mental health speaking). I feel like his thoughts are being amplified because of his mental health and it’s hard for him to see that it is normal and we just need to work on things. He is so confused - which is another sign to me that it is his mental health.
It’s hard because I’m 12 weeks pregnant and I’m not sure what to do. We were obviously in a good place not long ago because we wanted to have another child and we were so happy that I was pregnant. It is just so discouraging especially when being pregnant. We are supposed to be happy about what’s to come. Not questioning if we should be together.
I would never leave my husband because of mental health problems but he says he’s just tired of putting me through this vicious cycle. He is tired of fighting these thoughts that always come back that are against me when his mental health needs attention.
I don’t know what to do. Do I keep fighting for us and just show him we need to be putting more effort in? Do I let him walk away and let him deal with everything on his own? But I feel like his judgement is clouded right now…
He will be seeing his therapist again soon but not for another week. I just don’t know what to do at this point when I know feeling like this about a relationship (feeling like we’re roommates) is okay and means there just needs work to be done but he thinks it means it’s over.
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So I’m going to speak from the other side…. The one with the issues. It’s hell. I’m on meds, I see a therapist, and they help to some extent but there will be times I lose it and it’s all off on my head. The thing that helps me most is having a little time everyday to myself. No kids, no partner, no responsibilities. I need that time to do what I enjoy. It helps to reset my head. Sometimes I feel it would be easier for my husband and kids if I didn’t live here and just visited regularly, but I also don’t know if it’s true or not. Our minds are literally our own prison. If it happens a lot then maybe it’s time to try different meds and more therApy time. I know this has to be hard on you being on the other end, because I know it takes a toll on my husband. But first step, figure out what the therapist has to say and recommendations they have.
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