Hi ladies

Sorry for the long essay

I'm feeling lost and confused, I am in such a low place and feel so alone it's unreal, I am under a therapist was before I was pregnant, our beautiful little one is 3 weeks old. Such a blessing. The last 3 days have been torture, weekend hubby went out sat with the boys for one of his mates bday, everything was fine and sun, then Monday he flipped. Brought up how he had a boring evening and didn't get itmacy not sex but oral, that I have nothing to offer, I will never change, he isn't going to shut up and put up, apparently he lives like a single bloke so why can't I allow him to be one, I'm doing my best to better myself and improve myself, early mental health doesn't make it easy. I fall and make mistakes or mess up but I get back up, he throws it in my face I'm a f up, why can't I just not mess up and stop apologizing, my word are hollow. I have no pride in myself, no fun or excitement,all I ever do is clean nothing else, not the case been out with friends to the park or gone to theirs etc . I end up crying as I have done for three days because it's been one thing after another, he tells me to f off with the wet lettuce, I didn't do his neck and I went to sort my fringe out he went mad because I was inconsiderate and put the mirror where he would sit. Again I'm a f up. He tells me to leave in the morning. I take out eldest daughter to club come back to get paperwork to leave and he gives me mix messages, again tonight I'm left not knowing if we are resolving this or if I need to take our paperwork and get my own place with the kids, this is even after I held my hands up and accepted my wrong doings but he never accepts his, I even said about counseling and couple counselling, that set him off, he doesn't need it he's training to me one. I have no confidence no self esteem, I fake smile. I cry myself to sleep. I don't want to come home, I dont make much of a conversation as I'm so lost. I still offer to look after him and do things for him. Yet I never expect anything from him don't expect him to cook,clean etc. Any negativety I cry so easily. I want me back not this overwhelmed breaking women. What am I doing so wrong 🥺🥺