MIL and Boundaries

So my spouse and I went to a wedding last night and it’s only our second time leaving our baby (9 months) for any length of time. My Spouse’s Mom/Aunt/Grandma came to watch our son for the evening. His Grandma is obviously older is so it’s nice for our son to see his great grandma when he can. They are lovely. I really am thankful for everything they do for us, bringing us food often, helping in the garden etc. However, when we got back the aunt mentioned to me how my spouses brother and his wife had come over in the time we were gone and I had no idea about it. It felt weird and kind of rude that my MIL had invited her other son and his family over to our house without telling us and also while we weren’t home. After we thanked them for their help and they left I brought it up to my spouse (who puts his mom on a pedestal and openly admits he has a hard time saying no to her) said that I should just be grateful and not start arguing even though he thought it was also weird she did this.

Also whenever she’s over she’s cleaning (like deep cleaning the oven, pulling weeds, literally chopping down trees) and while I love that she’s so helpful, it makes me feel like my house is her DIY project or that it’s not clean enough. She calls our spare bedroom Her Room and even though she hasn’t slept over in months she insists on leaving Pjs, a toothbrush, her own towels in Her Room and even decided to frame a picture she liked and put it up in the bathroom that’s next her the guest room.

She comes over every week for a visit and asks what she can work on.

I am so grateful I have such a helpful MIL that loves us and does so much for us but at the same time I need boundaries (like not inviting people over when we’re not there or deciding to cut down trees in the backyard). It’s just hard coming home and thinking okay what will be different about the house today.

How can I approach this with my spouse so that we can be on the same page before talking with his Mom. I feel like she’s such a sensitive issue with him and he immediately gets defensive instead of trying to understand how I feel. I love her but his inability to see her as anything but perfect is having a negative effect on my relationship with her.