So I had a dodgy pap smear, no abnormal cells but HPV positive, which means I lost all my bodily autonomy.

I paid out 1500 quid for a private gynecologist to do a colposcopy as I didn't go for my pap smear 1 year after testing positive instead I waited 2 years to see if the virus would clear ... this was because my pap smear took half an hour and left me bleeding, crying, sweating, and shaking and the nurse refused to stop. I didn't want to go back there unsurprisingly.

I still have nightmares. And am in EMDR as it took me over a year to use a tampon or to masturbate. And I started self harming because I felt dirty, worthless, and disgusting.

My colposcopy showed no abnormal cells and the gynecologist wrote to the GP surgery to detail that she would see me in 1 year for a smear just to be sure... however the GP surgery are not respecting this at all and I'm literally in the process of discussing bottom therapy for gender dysphoria because I literally am scared to ever go to the GP again.

Because I have a vagina, my body is a free for all and exists to be torn open.

It's not safe for me to have a vagina anymore.

I don't have any bodily autonomy and they're not accepting the consultant gynecologist's recommendations either.

They're so angry that I took my care somewhere else, but I needed to go somewhere trauma informed.

I am terrified that if I go to see a dr, they will refuse to treat me until they have run an unnecessary smear for the sake of filling their quotas.

If they didn't assault me, I wouldn't have taken my care elsewhere... 🙃

I literally want to claw my female anatomy out with my bare hands. I don't want this body.

I don't want to be torn to pieces on a routine Basis.

I'd give a limb, 10 years off my life, have surgery to grow a penis instead, I'd do anything just to have basic rights and be treated as a human again.