Those who have miscarried or suffered loss...

I would LOVE to know your thoughts and opinions on this topic specifically.

If you have had a loss, in your opinion what is the best way for a family member to reveal they are pregnant to you? I have a friend who suffered a traumatic loss in December of last year and she's been mentally reeling ever since. I just found out I am pregnant and normally she would be one of the first to know, but given her predicament I am terrified of hurting her with my news.

I want to be gentle and respectful of her and her emotions during this time, can you help teach me how?

197 views • 0 upvotes • 12 comments

COMMENT (12)

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Posted at
I have had a miscarriage, but I really don’t feel that people needed to present their own pregnancy to me any differently. I am a very straightforward communicator and wouldn’t be comfortable with anything other than “I want to let you know I’m pregnant”. I don’t want people getting weird and sappy over my pregnancy that didn’t end well. I would be really uncomfortable if they did. Just tell me. I’m going to be super excited for you, no strings attached.

lk

lk 🇨🇦🇺🇲 • Sep 6, 2022
I completely agree.

lk

Posted at
I've had two miscarriages and have never expected anyone to tell me differently or separately from a general announcement. Closer to when I lost my babies, that news was tough to hear, but that was my problem, not anyone else's. Generally speaking, I'm pretty good at keeping my emotions at bay in situations like that and then processing by myself later. People should get to enjoy their pregnancy and announcing it without worrying that I'm going to fall apart over it.

lk

lk 🇨🇦🇺🇲 • Sep 6, 2022
I'm also excited for all the babies, though, which probably helps. If you're excited and happy, I am too.

Lu

Posted at
I’ve had a few miscarriages and ultimately when people told they were pregnant I felt really jealous. I felt happy for them but at the same I was angry that it wasn’t me who was pregnant. They were my feelings I needed to confront. I just stayed away until I could share in her joy and not feel terrible about it. I would tell her sooner rather than later

R

Posted at
I’ve dealt with infertility and several losses - one of which was exponentially more traumatic than the rest of them. My biggest worry is being told in a group setting or at an event because even though I would be happy for whoever is pregnant, I know myself well enough to not feel confident that I’ll be able to hold it together in front of others when hearing the news.

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☀️ • Sep 6, 2022
This is a good point. Privately would be best.

Ka

Posted at
I don’t feel the need for anyone to tell me in any special way. But I also have the ability to separate someone else’s life from my own and realize someone’s pregnancy has nothing to do with me or my loss.

R

R • Sep 6, 2022
It’s awesome you’re able to separate yourself. It took me forever to get to that point.

R

Posted at
I’ve never suffered from a loss but I’ve dealt with infertility. I’d text her to let her know so that she can process it on her own. Don’t take it personal if she doesn’t reply or distances herself. It’s probably going to be really hard for her to hear you’re pregnant.

ar

Posted at
text them and let them know to give them the appropriate time and space to react the way that they need to in order to process their own grief upon hearing your news.

ky

Posted at
Text or see it on Facebook/Instagram, that way I didn't have to try to act happy if I wasn't