So, last summer I found out I have HPV. Hindu to a really horrible set of events I had a doctor that broke HIPAA and blasted my information across my cell phone through a text, without my consent, after my annual. I didn't even know I had HPV. I happened to be a business manager of multiple businesses (gas stations and restaurants) in a smallish rocky mountain valley town where news spreads like the wildfire. Well, one of my employees saw the messages come across my phone. You can imagine the nightmare it turned into! I have not been able to go to the doctor since because of PTSD due to this incident along with being completely broke homeless and also covid requiring masks be worn in offices like that or you are required to get a vaccine. I unfortunately have extremely bad PTSD among other issues including bipolar manic depression anxiety carpal tunnel there's some issues but because of that I can't wear a mask so I have not been able to see a doctor since covid began! Due to all of this I lost my job, my home, and my life has honestly been a complete shit show ever since! (please excuse the language) then I lost my Medicaid and my food stamps I was forced to move to Idaho I have not found any better luck anywhere with getting a job or even finding a place to live that isn't filled with rats or roaches that doesn't cost me my fiance's entire weekly paycheck we lost our car it literally got repossessed two nights ago because the hotel that we live at cost $575 a week it's just ridiculous can't find housing here because we don't have previous rental history here and we don't live anywhere near a grocery store so we're stuck living off of gas station food because I among all my other medical issues I have allergies to damn near everything in the world at least it feels that way to me! But two of my main allergies that scare me more than life are all different types of mold along with stress and I have a severe allergy to heat and humidity combined I get hives rashes I start running a fever I black out it's not good at all. And the icing on the cake is who in the hell, again please excuse the language, ever knew that Idaho sits anywhere from 102° all the way to 120° from the end of May still all the way through you know almost mid September along with 23% to 68% humidity! And now having my vehicle repossessed my life turned upside down everything that's happened with me, I wanted to attempt to get disability because every job I do get it's so hard for me to work with two failed carpal tunnel surgeries my arms go numb I hardly sleep I have constant night tears panic attacks it's all bad I don't really see any good in my life I haven't other than maybe a handful of sudden fleeting occasions in my life I was not dealt a good hand in life but with everything going on I can't even try to get disability now so I'm just a burden on my fiance and I don't know what to do anymore! I am literally just beyond miserable I can't go anywhere I can't do anything I have no vehicle I have no money I have no job I have no friends I have no family I have no food it is literally just me and my fiance and my hound dog who is also my service dog in this piece of s*** run down crack den of a motel that's filled with mice and spiders and bugs it has a POS so-called A/C and no heater either. The room is barely bigger than a jail cell the bathroom is two and a half feet by a foot and a half I can't even turn around in there or shaving there and I'm not a little girl mind you I weigh like a hair over 200 lb I basically have to shower hanging out of the shower. Okay now that may partial ranting is over to my main point I don't know what kind of HPV I have I have not had a biopsy I don't trust doctors anymore after everything they have done to me and how horribly they have treated me plus I can't find a health clinic that'll see me free of charge around here it's a minimum of $50 down anywhere you go and that's just to walk in the door that doesn't include an exam and a biopsy and everything else that goes with it and to top it off there's no doctors around me I have no way to get there and my fiance has a sex drive higher than anyone I've ever met and he's also a p*** addict which just destroys me psychologically and emotionally on a daily basis long story short he can't be a respectful compassionate ADULT and keep it in his f****** pants and not go watch f****** p*** and jack off to other women for a week and a half while I recover... All of that right there that cussing that hatred you know comes from the fact that I've been abused my entire life by everybody around me used and abused I've been the scapegoat and all I do is give my shirt off my back to people they do anything and everything I can to help them and make sure they are doing good in there happy but I can't even get some respect I don't like p*** I don't like my fiance watching it due to things that have happened to me in the past and weigh very heavily on me and my daily life. I had emergency surgery on my birthday 4 years ago and had my left ovary and left tube removed because I was raped and contracted gonorrhea and did not know I did and I got an abscess and I almost died I was in septic shock when I went into what I thought was get some UTI meds cuz I thought I had a UTI or a kidney infection. I feel like I was put on this planet literally my purpose in life is to be a wife and mother and raise a family and then I have that surgery and then I find out I have HPV. I did have the first 2 of 3 HPV vaccines when I was a teenager. My fiance and I have been trying to get pregnant since I was 25 and I tried with the guy I was with before that from 18 to 25. I've had four miscarriages my periods are extremely regular I eat healthy for the most part you know 98% of the time or so. I have been clean and sober for 4 years now last time I did go to the doctor before my annual I had blood work and everything done and everything was pretty normal. So I don't know if I'll ever be able to have children. S*** I don't even know if I'll be alive next year cuz I don't know if this is the cancer causing HPV. I could really use some advice some ideas just anything please help I'm literally begging anyone that could possibly help in any way shape or form. I'm at my wit's end.

-Addy B