Am I selfish for feeling like this?

When I was 3 months pregnant with our second baby, my partner decided he wanted to start bodybuilding, just to give it a go. 11 months later and he’s just competed in his first show, and won 1st place in 3 categories. Now he’s hooked and he’s got more shows to compete in over the next couple of months, and he’s decided to take it up as a full time sport. I’m proud of him, he worked so hard for this and he’s done amazing and absolutely deserves to win…

But it’s come at a huge cost to my mental health.

He is never home. He works 2 jobs.

One is 4 twelve hour days and then on his days off he works as a personal trainer. Then after work every single day he goes to the gym for 2-3 hours.

When he wakes up the kids are still asleep and when he gets home the kids are asleep. We never see him. He’s also been an arsehole lately which he keeps blaming on the diet he’s had to follow preparing for his competition and I’m so over it.

I feel like a single parent. I literally do everything on my own. We have 2 under 2, and I’m also a full time university student (I study online) in my final year of my bachelor of teaching. I feel like there is so much pressure on me and I am genuinely not happy anymore. I’m actually starting to resent him. When he won I kind of felt gutted because I thought oh great this means more competitions which means more training and I’m going to continue to do everything on my own. We both always wanted kids and I kind of thought parenting would be something we’d do together but I feel like a single parent majority of the time.

I’ve explained to him how I feel and he just said he’s in his prime time and he wants to do this and he also wants to work two jobs because he enjoys them both and he isn’t giving anything up.

Am I selfish for feeling like this? Because I feel like I am, but I just feel like things aren’t very fair on me and I wish he’d just give one thing up so we actually got that 😫