What would you do if you were me🥺

Anyone who takes the time to read this, has NO idea how greatly appreciated you are.

Basically me & my boyfriend who is also the father to our 2 year old girl are stuck at my crackhead fathers house. We’ve been trying to get on our feet the last 4 years & things just keep knocking us down wether it be the pandemic, having a baby during that mess of a time, the rental market, car troubles, whatever. So much has set us back & it’s landed us right back at my dads house which we worked SO hard to get out of in the past multiple times. We can’t find a decent rental due to horrible credit & sky rocketing rental costs. We live in New York so that may help paint a better picture. We’ve dealt with black mold at places, a neighbor who broke in while we had a newborn, a drive by shooting at another place. Each place we managed to get fell through. it’s not the area either, we’ve lived in ALL different cities even on the country side of NY.

Together, we have zero family other than my dad which is why we keep ending up back here. My mom passed as a teen. Now we wanna move out again because of the crackhead tendencies. He’s a functioning crackhead but every crackhead can only function so much. He smokes it in the basement while my daughter is upstairs.

Another issue is my car is now in his name because he’s created such a bad situation for my little family by being greedy in the past that we can’t afford our own insurance anymore so it’s insured under him & the title is under him. Even though he helped me find the car with an insurance check that belonged to me, it’s all under him. If I wanted to run out of here today like we have 7 other times in the past I couldn’t. The car currently isn’t running & is being worked on. I’m not sure what he would do if I did take it & leave this time being in his name. He knows my boyfriend can’t afford a vehicle right now so I’m thinking in his head he knows we can’t leave this time

With that being said my Dad just retired & is talking about moving out of state. He made an offer for us to buy his house in about a year if we can come up with a few grand to buy it from him at half price. Which is HUGE! But there has got to be some type of catch here he’s not mentioning. He’s already talking about moving down south & coming up here to stay with us in the house during the winter🙄

The car & living situation would be no issue. If he wasn’t using. Right before we moved back in I made it clear why we left in the past. The drugs around my daughter. He stated that he was done & clean. I was foolish enough to believe it because he just retired & of course I needed somewhere for all of us to stay. I just hoped for the best & here we are. My boyfriend has been through hell & back in his childhood. His parents are both crackheads that don’t do shit. But he’s struggling bad watching my father slowly kill himself while we have no choice but to stay here. It’s getting to him so bad he’s actually talked about going to a homeless shelter because we’ve done this so many times. Even that is terrifying with the diseases out there, a child & would just surround us with even more druggies. We’ve reached out to everyone & their brother & my dad is the only one who lets us stay each time. We’re both trying to overlook the crack use because he is helping in ways. But it’s hard. I’ve mentioned rehab to him in the past & it’s not something he’s interested in. He thinks he’s fine. He thinks he has no issues. When I addressed my concerns in the past I was talking about health issues mainly. He was only worried about how expensive it is & embarrassing, but still goes out every day to smoke the shit…While his daughter, grand daughter & basically son in law sit at his house while he takes his grand old time getting the car fixed while out there smoking crack with my uncle.

I’m at my wits end because with out my dad, we would definitely be on the streets. It just doesn’t feel fair that this is what we have to endure to avoid that. I’ve been apartment searching every single day & rentals are minimum $1,200 right now.

The future is starting to look super dark if it didn’t already. I’m trying to set goals for myself & my family but don’t even know what goals to set or what’s even achievable anymore. You can only make it in this state if you’re well off. & NY will trap you here because leaving is expensive as well😣

EDIT: Right now my boyfriend works for Amazon making under $20 an hr. I have a hair license but can’t work because there’s no one to watch our daughter. Every daycare in our area isn’t accepting until the spring. I’ve legitimately called 12+ daycares including at home care centers, care.com etc. Right now my only option is to be a stay at home mom. And I am extremely worried about getting my daughter taken. My boyfriends family likes to fuck with him & call CPS on us at the most random times even while he has no contact with them & they know how my dad is. So the state would take my baby but not help us find a decent living situation!? Programs like emergency housing are only for mothers & children here. Each program will force us to separate other than a basic shelter but those are dirtier than here. Subsidized housing has a 4+ year waiting list. I feel like the worlds trashiest mother