I want to leave my husband.

I need to vent a little bit here. Here’s a bit of a backstory about myself…I have been suffering from some pretty bad PPD and PPA. a lot of my anxiety surrounds the health and well being of my son. I get super anxious over a lot of things and it’s definitely a daily battle and something I am working hard to overcome with meds and therapy.

Here is the situation. I am exhausted with my husband. Every concern I have, whether it be big or small, my husband comes around and brushes it off or makes me feel like I’m crazy for even having that worry. It’s literally everything I worry about. It’s gotten to the point I’m afraid to bring up any concerns with him. if I feel like my son may need to see a doctor he will repeat the same things over and over again and berate me and call me irrational. He doesn’t leave it alone either. I have to basically fight and persuade him to agree to take our son to the doctor. He makes me repeat myself over and over again and he repeats himself over and over again and doesn’t stop. I try and leave the room and he will follow me listing every reason he thinks I’m overreacting and being irrational. I’ve told him about how it bothers me and he still doesn’t stop. It feels like mental torture. It’s gotten to the point My brain starts protectively tuning him out and disassociating from the conversation the second he starts repeating. I want my husband to be able to express his side and his concerns, that’s not the problem and even in certain circumstances he can talk me down from it and we end up agreeing.. it’s the repeating and berating that is exhausting and feels like mental abuse.

For example I feel like I am very justified in being concerned with what just happened. Yesterday on our walk I got swarmed and bitten by wasps and while trying to protect my son from getting bitten, his stroller went off the curb and tipped over on to its side with him inside of it. He cried immediately and was comforted and seemed completely fine but about an hour later he vomited. I had to fight tooth and nail just to get my husband to agree to take him in to see his doctor today. This was last night. I had to repeat my concern over and over again for him to listen and I got frustrated. At the end of the conversation I asked him to please not fight me on it this morning. After hours of persuasion I finally convinced him and He agreed to take him in. I don’t drive for medical reasons or I would just take him myself. Anyway this morning he was back at it calling me irrational and repeating all the same stuff over again that I asked him not to do. Anyway we still go to the appointment and the nurse after examining my son told us to take him to the childrens hospital to get observed just to be sure he was ok. My husband refuses to take him in and is doing the same repeating and berating. I gave up and just got in the bath for some space and alone time. I want to end my marriage. I feel like he makes my mental health worse and uses my anxiety as an excuse to ignore the health of our son.