Moms with preteen daughters… how’s it going?

My step daughter just turned 12 and she has had the biggest attitude problem, she just seems so miserable. She has everything she needs, lots of friends, people that love her, yet I’m sooo annoying and dumb and make her life miserable🤷🏻‍♀️ I do try to teach her how to be a young lady like make her bed and clean up after herself. She won’t brush her teeth, shower, or comb her hair unless I tell her. Am I alone?? My husband is mostly supportive but says I nit pick too much. Yet I’m the one home dealing with it all because he’s busy working supporting us. I just feel like giving up. How are your daughters at home.. do they help out? Do laundry and dishes? Very curious… thanks