Giving head ?

Lol ladies I need an opinion and some advice cause I’ve never actually asked anyone.

So disclaimer I do have intimacy issues just from certain life events which I’m sure is a small cause of this but I’ll get into the problem. I absolutely HATE going down on guys. It all started when I was 16 and had my first boyfriend, so obviously we were doing things for the first time, and every time I’d go down on him he’d be like “yeah that really sucked”. He’d never give me any real feedback that I could actually take into consideration, and then for some reason found it funny to tell me that every time (yet still somehow asked for it) cause he was a dick. Long story short this made me never want to do it again because I was self conscious abt it.

Now as an adult I’ve gotten over the self consciousness of it for the most part but I just can’t stand doing it. The position of doing it hurts my knees, it kills my jaw, the guys always take way too fuckin long to finish and I have the worst gag reflex on the planet (also men are just like, not hygienic? A lot of the time?) I also just can’t stand any kind of mouth fluids. So the whole thing is very gross to me.

Don’t get me wrong, if I’m tipsy enough and in the mood I can do it well, but the majority of the time it’s just something I don’t like doing. I’ve had a few situations and different positions here and there that I haven’t minded as much but It almost makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me? I mean I feel like most girls enjoy it?

This hasn’t really caused much of an issue in my dating life (or maybe it has and no one’s told me) but I’m curious to know if anyone else has/had this experience and has any tips or tricks. Lol!