I feel terrible saying it but I feel like the part nobody ever told me about being a parent is the god AWFUL overstimulation. Seriously it’s getting to be more than I can bare. Every single day I feel more and more overwhelmed and honestly dread even going to bed and waking up in the morning because I know I’m in for another day of being overstimulated to the absolute max. I am soo mentally exhausted and burnt out I can’t even think straight at any point of the day whatsoever. I swear most days I feel like I’m just zoned out for hours at a time waiting for bed time. Constant constant noise and crying, screaming, throwing tantrums, banging toys, making messes and me cleaning those messes up over and over and over. Constantly stepping in either a wet, crumby, or sticky mess I don’t even walk around my house barefoot anymore and I’m constantly sweeping the floors multiple times a day because messes trigger me SO bad. I automatically associate messes with my very traumatic childhood of growing up in messy environments. I don’t remember the last time I sat down to eat and didn’t end up throwing my food in the trash or just “saving it for later” then eventually throwing it away because between TRYING to feed myself all while feeding kids at the same time and trying not to make a mess and keep stopping to get up and see what the kids are doing it literally makes me lose my appetite. I feel like I am losing my mind and hate that I let myself get so overwhelmed every single day but no matter how hard I try I always feel this way. I feel like a bad mom because I see so many others “embrace” their kids messes and be so patient but I just can’t and I don’t know why. I think I just really need a break but don’t know when that will happen.