I find penises ugly?

Hi I know many women don't find penises as pretty as rainbows but I've only slept with my bf twice and he's the first man I've ever done it with, and somehow I feel a little uncomfortable about his penis and I mean I don't think I'm lesbian, and I really love him I want to spend my life with him, but I've given him blow jobs many times and every time I feel like I need to seperate myself from myself to do it and pretend liking it. He wouldn't want me to pretend liking it if he knew he probably wouldn't want me doing it but he keeps saying he loves every part of me. So I feel bad not liking his penis bcs that means I don't necessarily like every part of him? Is it normal to not like penises? Idk what to do. How can I give him pleasure if I feel uncomfortable about his penis? Last time we took a shower together, he finished in the shower and I was so repulsed about the sperm coming out like he was a hose bcs usually he finished in a condom. And I mean it sticks out when he stands naked idk how to hug him. I reread myself and I almost laugh at how this sounds but it's an actual concern. I'm curious to hear your opinions or if you have solutions or ideas or smth.