Ranting

In 2019 I decided to seek help for my mental health. Ive been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a kid. I always thought it was a phase that I was going through and thought I would grow out of it but here I am 23 and still deal with the same problem. I turned down the options to use medicine to treat my mental health, last year I had decided to make lifestyle changes such as eating healthy, going to the gym, sleeping schedule and etc. Everything was going good for 3-4 months. Then I just start to lose interest in everything, it was hard for me to do daily things like work, showering, brushing my teeth. I would just turn my phone off and lay in bed I can't get the strength to get out of bed. A year later this are worse I lose interest in everything, but I always over work myself to provide for myself. I worry about everything and put alot on my mental. I get up every morning feeling depressed and upset, I just want to hide in the house in my room I hate having to pretend I'm okay when I'm not. Sometimes I don't know what to do I get so depressed and overwhelmed I feel my only out is becoming homeless or self harm. I can't keep a job long because of my depression and bipolar disorder, I can't handle being around people yet alone I can't stay focused on one thing. I'm tired all the time no matter how much I sleep. I'm just mentally exhausted and drained. It's so hard to find the help that I need. I kinda lose hope in ever getting help.