Ttc journeys are so hard! For everyone struggling just know you are not alone! 💖 I just need to write somewhere and let out my own stress! I was only ttc for 10 months in total, I got pregnant month 2 and miscarried, I had positive tests month 4 and had a chemical and then month 6 another chemical! 1 miscarriages and 2 chemicals was already enough to break my heart but then month 10 I got pregnant again, the fear of bleeding again was so strong but I didn't!!

So I had a healthy pregnancy finally but as the 20 week scan approached I told my partner I couldn't shake this feeling that they are going to tell me something is wrong! I assumed although I felt like that it would just be down to always expecting to bleed. But no gut instinct is such a powerful thing! I came out of my 20 week scan crying my eyes out as my baby had abnormalities and was diagnosed with spinabifida, my option was to either terminate or continue but I will have a disabled child..

my choice was to carry on and I'm now 32 weeks but I'm just terrified of the future everyday and my heart breaks for my baby boy everyday! I don't know what I'm expecting from this post but I just needed to let something out as it all goes around in my head continuously!