So yesterday was my 15 week doctors appointment. My man missed the last one and I was pretty upset due to they couldn’t find the baby’s heart beat and decided to do a sonogram. The baby ended up being fine but that 20 minute wait alone was horrible and stressful. So I asked if he would come this time. So he came and sat on his phone the entire time I tried to talk to him and he just wasn’t engaging so I kinda just let it go I figured once the doctor came to visit he would put the phone down and pay attention. We’ll he didn’t and once again they were having a hard time finding the baby’s heart beat and he’s just playing on his phone like a teenager the whole time(he’s 32, I’m 30). Not holding my hand nothing. They finally found it and the baby is doing great. So we leave.

In the car I ask him if he even wanted to go to the next appointment and he says “we’ll it’s an ultrasound so yea.”

So I ask “are you going to be on your phone the whole time again? Because it was a little embarrassing and if you’re going to seem so uninterested again I’d rather just go alone.”

His response “well there wasn’t anything for me to watch what did you want me to do.”

Me “we’ll it would have been nice for you to hold my hand while they were having a hard time finding the baby’s heart beat again I was starting to get worried.”

He screams out of no where “ it took them a minute to find the baby’s heart beat because you’re fucking big, what did you want me to do speed up fucking time?!”

I say nothing just sob quietly. A few minutes go by and I’m still crying and then I said “you don’t deserve to have children.”

I know I shouldn’t have said this but I’m just so damn fed up with being called names or just him insulting me in general. When he’s not mad he’s a good guy but he gets mad at nothing and so easily and just fillies off the handle. He’s never hit me but he has thrown things, he’s called my stupid, dumb, stupid bitch, evil bitch, crazy bitch, psycho and now this big. I am a bigger girl but I just don’t feel it was necessary, all I wanted was support I wasn’t asking why it was hard to find the heart beat.

Later we talked and I told him how I felt like it was unnecessary and hurtful. He said he didn’t know he was there to support me that he just wanted to check on the baby and that he was sorry but he trying to help me not be worried by telling me it’s because I’m big. And that I said hurtful shit too so why is it okay for me and not him? I feel like he’s gaslighting me. And I don’t feel like he’s actually sorry, he obviously thinks it’s okay. I’m pretty much ready to leave at this point . Our relationship was great until I got pregnant. Neither of us planned this and I had been infertile for years so it was a shock. He has expressed the entire pregnancy that he doesn’t want the baby. But when I try to leave and tell him he doesn’t have to be involved he loses it and says he wants us to be a family. I’m just so damn confused and hurt I don’t even know anymore. He says I’m just too sensitive, and I’m starting to believe it.