I already bash myself enough so I hope no one bash me more from this ..

Hello ladies! I’m 38+2 weeks pregnant. I’m 23 & soon I will be going into labor. I been having on & off contractions for a while but since this isn’t my first pregnancy my doctor said I can go before I make it to 40 weeks. I also been having severe pressure in my vagina with some bad sore thighs & back pain. Babyboy is pretty low!

Anyways, I decided I don’t think I want my ex boyfriend in the L&D room .. only because throughout the entire pregnancy he’s been pretty horrible to me. When I found out I was pregnant & I told him he was excited! But I soon found out he cheated simply because the female he cheated on me with *through text* texted me.. she blocked him *she knew about me & didn’t care since she was also with another male*. After that he has tried to be supportive , asked for forgiveness, tried to “fix” what he did. I healed but I broke up with him because I deserve better .. throughout the pregnancy he likes to manipulate me & he called me a bitch , speaks out of anger , cusses at me, when he’s at my house he don’t let me speak when we have a disagreement🙄. I calmly try talking to him but then he snaps & cusses at me & tells me fuck u , & that this is what I wanted . Then he leaves me .. he has his brother pick him up every time. He’s been like this throughout the pregnancy. He put his hands on me 2 times I won’t lie .. The first time I am the one who smacked him so I am the one who started it. But only because I have Borderline Personality Disorder & he knows I get triggered & he kept gripping my arms. & he cornered me & went from yelling at me to squeezing my arms to ‘calm down’ so I kept telling him to stop & he didn’t so I reacted😩i wasn’t proud I was upset about that. He admitted later on he triggered me on purpose because he wants me to ‘care ‘ because after I found out he cheated I haven’t been romantic with him or been clingy like I used to be. Then the second time he gripped my arms again & pushed me against the wall & couch etc. he has bad depressive episodes where he lashes out on me & yells at me & tells me it’s my fault .. the last time I seen him a week ago he left my house after he cusses me out & told me he wants to leave & when he leaves me don’t want nothing to do with me .. then he left & we haven’t spoke for 4 days then he tells he’s sorry & he want to be in our lives & that he can’t stand another

Male having me but the thing is I don’t talk to any male or have interest in a relationship. I told him I’m just focused on my kids that’s it but he says his mind tells him stuff so he gets mad & upset & he just can’t stand it etc so that’s why he treats me how he do. I told him I will let him be in our son life but I still don’t want to be with him. I feel upset from everything that has happened & honestly he lives an hour away he said he wants to ‘be here’ in my house to help around with the last things baby need done . & to be here when labor happens since I live an hour away from the hospital & OB Said when contractions are 5 to 7 mins apart to go in. Well, he makes excuses on how he has no rides .. but the past couple days he had rides to go to places. & now he texted me saying he is going out with his brothers friends to ‘eat’ but I’m skeptical because he never be with his brothers friends .. they like to drink & do stuff .. so when he said that all he had to say was “I’ll be there soon maybe next week I’ll try I promise”.. that’s it then he left. Am I wrong for choosing to just labor alone or labor with my sister or mom as a support person? It made me see he can go out & have rides for stuff but he can’t be here as he claim he wants to be .. also, the last time he snapped at me he said he will take me to court for our son to see him. But I never everrrr Denied him our son .. it’s all in his mind. He helped some days with dishes, massages , trash etc. trying to comfort me bu letting me talk when needed , let’s me nap when needed & my son is up .. but despise all the small appreciated things I can’t get over the out her stuff.. Thank u!!

Also, please don’t bash me ..I don’t want to be bashed I just want to know if I’m doing it wrong??