Need some sister advice.

So I'm 19 and i don't really have anyone to talk to about this without feeling judged.

So I'm talking to this guy that I've known for years from school. He's a good guy and he is rarely home, he's always out of state traveling for work. So we've been talking every night since i moved back to town (on the phone since he's still away from work). And lately we seem to be on the topic of sex a lot. now last time i checked about 3 months ago he was still a Virgin (he's 20 btw) but now he's talking this big game like hes not, which Im kind of afraid to ask. But anyways, he hasn't been in a relationship and I've been in a couple relationships and had sex with a couple of people (which I'm definitely not proud of but i know how guys can be). We talk normal then we get into the topic of sex and he kinda goes into what he wants to do to me and all that. Which i like but sometimes i don't want to talk about it. Yesterday i expressed to him that i know he's not using me but i can't shake the fear of being used, because i have been before. He assured me that wasn't his intention which i believe him, but at the same time i feel like he still gets into it a lot.

And honestly yes sometimes it's very tempting and if I'm being honest, sometimes i can't resist not giving into temptation... But it feels like my hearts not fully ready to give into something like this again. He's never been in a relationship before, and I've been in a few (again I'm not proud of it, i went thru a phase where i didn't know how to be alone) so ive been in situations where sex has been used to cope with relationship struggles, where it's been use to guilt me, where it's been used to show me "love." I KNOW how powerful sex can be... I myself have confused sex with love, so idk what love is.

And don't get me wrong i enjoy it, but is it wrong for me to want it to be meaningful? Is it wrong for me to want emotion mixed into?

What does it mean if I'm not fully ready? How long should I wait?

He should be coming home this month for a week off from work. We are planning on doing it while hes here. But I'm not all the way ready. I just don't know what to say...

Any advice?