TW- Sexual assault

For 4 years I've asked myself the same question? Was it rape? Am I overreacting? Surely I must be over it by now? Maybe it wasn't that bad? I have all these questions spinning in my mind all the time. And I'm tired of it. In high school my senior year I was raped twice. Once by a guy I agreed to have sex with but he wanted anal and I didn't want that so he held me down and shoved it in. Another time a guy didn't have a condom and I did want sex but with protection. He positioned himself on top of me and put it in. And I kept telling him to stop.i thought maybe he couldn't hear me. And he just said I can't help it. But he said I said nothing. Others claimed I imagined I said stop. And I feel crazy. Was I raped twice? Why can't I get them out of my head it's so frustrating.