I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year, and from the very beginning I explained to him that I’m not ok with him following/engaging with half naked Onlyfans-type content on social media. We had a conversation about it and he agreed he’d stop. I left it for a few months, but when I checked to see if he had I found he was still following and interacting with a lot of accounts. I don’t think he’d changed his behaviour at all. I spoke to him about it again and said I wasn’t willing to date someone that’s going to disrespect me and knowingly make me feel uncomfortable, and he finally stopped. However, because I’d had to mention it again and almost break up with him, it made me feel like he only did it out of self preservation rather than understanding & respect for me. This was in March.

A month ago I saw a notification on his phone for an Instagram account that I didn’t recognise, as in an account he was logged in to. I asked him about it, mostly out of curiosity, and he acted really really strange, so I asked to see his logged in accounts. He made an excuse that he needed the toilet, and whilst he was in there he changed the name of the account, logged out of it and changed another of his accounts to the sus accounts username. I only noticed this because the account was in my recent searches, otherwise he would have gotten away with it. When he came back he lied to me and showed me the second account instead. I told him I knew that wasn’t the account I’d been asking about, and he kept insisting that it was and trying to make me doubt myself.

Eventually he had to give in because I wasn’t budging, and told me it was mostly for memes but he followed some onlyfans girls on there too. I asked to see his logged in accounts again, he said it wasn’t there bc he’d logged out and couldn’t remember the password, but when I checked it was. He then started grabbing at me and trying to snatch his phone back. I was hysterically crying at this point and trying to move away from him, and he just kept grabbing at his phone. He scratched me and hurt my wrist, not intentionally but it was horrible that he cared more about his phone than hurting me. He got it off me in the end, but I explained that I needed to see exactly what he’d been using it for and he let me look. It was worse than I’d expected, and he’d been following and interacting with accounts recently. I broke up with him on the spot. However, we’re somewhat long distance and this happened at like 1 AM with no way for him to get home, so he had to stay. In the morning he was so apologetic and upset, and kept begging for a second chance. I said I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to trust him again, and that we could stay friends and see how I feel with time.

He’s put so much effort in since, and he’s been working on himself too. I think he’s trying really hard to prove he’s capable of being the man I wanted all along, but I just don’t know if the trust will regrow, or if long term he’ll be able to keep this up or revert back to old habits. I also don’t know if he’s just too immature for a serious relationship.

Just to clarify, I’m 22 and he’s nearing 24. I know this sounds like a teenage situation and I’m embarrassed to even be in it tbh. He’s a really lovely guy otherwise and everyone I know describes him as a genuine, sweet person. I think he was just scared of the consequences of me finding out and panicked, but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful.

Basically I’m unsure whether I’ll be able to trust him again and whether I’m just being a hopeful idiot. Any opinions will be massively appreciated.

TLDR: boyfriend disrespected me, lied to me and broke my trust twice and is now trying to improve. I don’t know if it’s possible to trust him again. Is it worth it?