Last night we found out we are losing our baby. We were just under 6 weeks but it still hurts. It’s the farthest we’ve gotten in 5 months as we lost previously in May and so many times before that. There’s just no concrete reason we can find why it takes 6 months to a year to get pregnant and then it never sticks. Does age play that big a factor when tests show on paper everything is good? I’m 39. I’ve had so many miscarriages now I’m starting to lose count. The toll the whole process is taking on me is getting to a boiling point. I don’t think I can take much more. My mental health is plummeting and physically I feel depleted. Years of surgeries, procedures, blood draws, shots, pills and hormones and more hormones. Months of negative tests then positives turning into miscarriages. I don’t even get excited anymore when I see a positive because in my heart I just feel it’s going to be like all the others. The line gets dark then darker then I start spotting and the spotting doesn’t stop and then the baby is gone. I take progesterone after ovulation, I take prenatals, I take Metformin, I’m going to start taking CoQ10, I take a daily probiotic, I drink alkaline water… anything and everything I find to try we’ve tried it. Is the universe trying to tell me something?! Is fate taking my babies for a reason? Would I be a horrible mother?