I'm sorry in advance for the long read. I felt a strong need to reach out to my fellow sisters of God for guidance and strength, so I'm not going to let myself be too shy to ask for help like I normally do. I'll explain why I feel so discouraged below, but long story short, I feel God has given me a battle I don't know how to be brave for.

Trigger warning ⚠️ miscarriage

I'm not sure God will ever allow me to be a mother. I had a miscarriage in Sept 2021, and although I was hurt and angry, it tested the strength of my faith and I felt it brought me closer to God. I feel it was meant to humble me (I was losing my way). It took a year for us to conceive again, and I prayed so hard that it would be a successful pregnancy. I got on my hands & knees on the bathroom floor and just cried and begged, but I still lost this one too. I don't understand why he would do this to me again, or why it was so difficult to conceive. Tonight I feel so afraid that even if I do get pregnant again, that I'll relive the same pain. I begged and pleaded, but it still wasn't enough. I feel ashamed to admit that I'm losing trust in him

Right now my heart tells me I need a band of sisters to lead me and give me the strength, encouragement, and wisdom to keep holding on. I would greatly appreciate any encouraging words, advice, and prayers. Thank you