Judge me if you want. Today I got my BFP, #2. I am happy but I am reserving my over excitement for when I’m further along. Technically I’m 4 weeks (from my last period). My first ever positive, it was the similar faint line, that came with cramps a day after and I lost that one. My second positive was early and super red (dye stealer) and baby was adamant about coming into this world. They say after the first born there is nothing to worry about but I’m scared at my age. The doctors say I’m already high risk because of age and susceptible to more miscarriages. I am holding faith that this positive remains a happy reminder when I get to hold this baby in my arms 9 months from now. My 2 year old is going to be a big brother, I’m looking forward to being a mom of two.

For those still trying, keep doing what you’re doing, the positive will happen.

Update 3rd December

On Monday 28th Dec, I noticed a very faint discoloration in my discharge. I shrugged it off as “I’m just looking for something to start worrying about”. Tuesday morning, I found when I wipe I had brown discharge and tiny pieces the ending of my period. There was nothing more for the day and I was there researching what this could mean. They said it could be normal, some women experience that. Wednesday morning again I saw brown discharge, less than the day before. Now the bells are going off in my head. I’m thinking if it is a chemical pregnancy, let me get an ultrasound as soon as possible to confirm this. If the baby is good and it is something else is causing the bleeding then let medical advisor let me know.

So I went directly to the maternity emergency center. Mind you, I am not in any pain whatsoever but I can feel a twinge of a discomfort in my uterus. I am being checked by a young intern and we see the sac with the embryo instead. I’m five weeks, three days. She is there smiling saying the baby is ok, things are fine but she can’t explain the bleeding. She says she needs to show the pictures to the head doctor in charge, to get a second opinion. She comes back and says there is worrying factors with the embryo. They think it is a bit too small for the size and also the position in not clear. Maybe I’ll have to do another ultrasound within a week to determine the development of the embryo. I’m like ok, but when you say position, is the embryo in my uterus or not? She didn’t want to say but said it seems like it is still in the fallopian tube. Then the head doctor stops by to say that she wants to do a second ultrasound to verify before letting me leave.

There and then she confirmed I had an ectopic pregnancy and needed to do emergency surgery that afternoon because I was too far along in my pregnancy to do oral termination.

I don’t know how much my crying I did because my joys had suddenly shattered. But I’m still crying till today.

The surgery was a success. Apparently my tubes was twisted from an infection I never knew I experienced.

I hope to continue on my ttc journey and I am praying I have successful news to announce next year 2023. Thank you also to those who have supported me along this journey.