Is it selfish or rude of me to not stay up late on the holidays?

Question

My mom is hosting Christmas Eve dinner, which always includes games and some gift exchanges. Usually the celebration goes until around midnight or 1am because we start dinner around 7pm. This year is the first year there’s a baby involved (my 4 month old) and my sister is pregnant and due on January 3rd! So she will be extremely pregnant but she still plans to go to my parent’s house for this holiday. I asked my mom if we could start dinner earlier, similar to how we have thanksgiving (we literally start appetizers at 1pm bc my sister leaves at 6pm to go to her in laws house). She said no, that Christmas Eve always goes very late. I asked her why, and she said that’s just the way we do it. So no real reason. I said okay, that’s fine, but I’m not going to keep my baby up past 8pm because he becomes hysterical when overtired. I let her know as politely as I could that they don’t need to plan around my schedule, but I will be leaving at 730pm to start getting ready for bed/putting my baby to bed. And I was going to stay overnight at my parents house but my baby can’t sleep in a super loud house so if my extended family is still over, we’d have to drive home (45 min drive) to sleep and won’t be there for Christmas morning. I just don’t want to be a zombie on Christmas Day. I would like to at least have the opportunity to enjoy it. And there is truly no reason she wants to start dinner so late other than ‘it’s how it’s always been done’. My (very pregnant) sister also wants to start earlier so she can go to bed early. I told my mom that in the future when the babies are older we can stay up late with them. But my baby will not be fun if we keep him up past his usual bedtime. Am I being unreasonable/rigid for not forcing myself or my baby to stay awake in order to celebrate the holiday with my mom/extended family? Should I just suck it up for the sake of tradition?

Answer

Nope. You’re right to put limits on your time. Hardline it and see what happens. I bet if not this year, next year when there are two families with young children, she’ll change her tune

Answer

Nope not unreasonable. Honestly I’m surprised your mom isn’t interested in better accommodating you and your sister. Not that she has to but I know my mom and mil would do anything ti make it easier for their daughter with an infant and daughter who is 9 months pregnant

Answer

You are right for setting limits. Nobody understands but when you have a sensitive child, it is not fun to mess up his schedule . The baby wil, be fine, but it is way harder on you. My son was like that and in time it got better,  around 2 years old we could do anything, but until then we had to keep his routine.  And yes, you could go late and put him late to bed, but come on , it is just maybe one year, your mother should understand and move the party earlier. Negotiate with her, maybe at 5pm, just 2 hours it won't really make a difference.

Answer

No way I’m keeping my four month old up after his bedtime, he’s so young so we need to keep to his schedule. Keeping him content and settled is my priority over stopping up for the sake of it. Hopefully your mom will understand.

Answer

You’re being totally reasonable, and the way you’ve gone about it is fine. You can’t force people to change their plans for your kids, but you’re in the right to skip anything that doesn’t work for you and your own family. 
I have a 2 year old and a newborn and I would never keep my toddler out past bedtime. It’s just not worth it. 
I will say that you’d be surprised what your LO would actually sleep through if you decided to sleep over anyway. BUT if attempting that is going to cause you stress/anxiety and potentially ruin your Christmas, better to just go home. Over the next few years you’ll be starting your own Christmas traditions.

Answer

Sounds like your mom is being unreasonable & it’s a pretty dumb tradition imo. Why so late? Spend the DAY together instead. Definitely keep your boundaries firm otherwise this could be the beginnings of constant boundary-crossing on your moms part.

Answer

Sometimes traditions are made to be broken.

Answer

I bought my grandparents home and we have always had Christmas Eve here. I’ve never missed one in this house and we host it so everyone else (aunts, uncles, and cousins) can all be here as well. This year, my cousin’s wife is expecting January 11th. My aunt (her MiL) is actually driving to their house two hours away and not attending the family Christmas Eve celebration (and we all have no problem with that.) Your mom can’t even change dinner time? Stick to your plan.

Answer

Not rude at all. Get your rest—parenting is exhausting and parenting on Christmas is extra exhausting (in my experience anyway). I’ve found people tend to forget how insane that first year is and how difficult it can be to get a baby to sleep and how difficult it is when they’re up past bedtime.

Answer

Do what you want! Leave when you want. You are not being rude at all do whatever you feel like! If you wanted to stay later you could put bub to sleep in the pram or a travel crib or something. My bub would have slept through any volume of noise at that age but they are all so different. Whatever you decide, enjoy yourself :)

Is it selfish or rude of me to not stay up late on the holidays?

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