This is more of just a venting post than a “need advice” or “what would you do”. Maybe other women can relate to just a relationship struggle.

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 5 months. A year into dating we got pregnant with our daughter and got engaged the same time. A month after finding out about our daughter, my dad passed away and my mom and I were broken. I had my at the time now fiancé move in with us. We were happier, starting our family, and grieving my dad. A few problems arose though. My fiancé lost his car, and couldn’t keep a job. My daughter was born and the money problems continued. I kept working part time and did side hustles to make money for my daughter and I. My fiancé finally got a good job and I helped sign for him to get a lease car. Months into working he lost his job, and the car was eventually towed away because he wouldn’t get another one. My credit score plummeted of course and I was upset. All during this, my fiancé also started gaining weight, while I was losing it post partum and keeping myself in shape. We conceived our son, and he was born in 2020. Still money problems, still living off unemployment and my jobs that I was doing anytime I could. I always had a job and worked my whole life so we paid for everything through my money, and the money his mom would give us every month. My fiancé still has no job, no car, and continues to gain weight. I’m noting this for the future. Fast forward to now 2022. We got married in June and here is where things crashed. (Well it was already crashing). After we got married (which i paid for through my tax return, my mom paid, and his family paid for my dress) our relationship went south. I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore. We argue 24/7, our honeymoon was terrible and we were bickering, and we’re just not a happy couple anymore. He blames me for not being intimate with him, and honestly it’s 1. Because he’s gained so much weight and 2. I have no respect for him and 3. He hasn’t supported our family in YEARS. His mom has. I should have married his mom or family at this point. Now… we had a surprise baby and I’m due next year. I’ve been holding out hope that he’s going to change.. get that job… lose that weight and become something. But am I wrong? Am I wrong for holding out all these years for him to change? I’ve done ALOT of thought obviously through the years and it’s my fault for even thinking this child-man would become something of himself. It’s my fault for hoping. I’ve cried so long begging for him to change and finally… become something. He’s called me a gold digger for wishing him to get a job. He says “atleast I’m not going to the bar and cheating on you.” as is those are the standards we women have to keep a man. I feel so embarrassed. I’m embarrassed and ashamed for my life. It’s Christmas now and I think I’m going to give my husband the ultimatum of, if you don’t have a job by the time the baby is born than we’re done and you’re kicked out of the house. My parents house that we still live in. He pays for nothing except our phone bill that I’m sure his mom pays for. I pay for groceries for us, my mom pays the house and utilities, I pay for clothes for the kids. I’ve realized he probably just living here to mooch off of my family and I, but idk. Even his dad had a talk with me asking me why I married him. He knows his son is a dead beat and what I see him in and apologized. If he were to leave tomorrow, the house and our family would run the same. Our day to day life would be the exact same. The only change in our routine would be…. Our kids asking where he is? Would they get over it after a few weeks? I run my family and our lives and he just… is one of my kids.

Okay, vent over.

-love embarrassed mom.