Is she ungrateful ?

Question

My daughter just turned 7. 
My husband and I were teen parents and from birth-3 she had a very tough upbringing of us not having any $ and living with family. 
Once she was 3 my husband started his career, we got our own home and we are very financially fortunate since then. 
For her 7th birthday we invited her whole class and she had a bounce house, a bunch of presents, carefully decorated food signs and balloon arches. I did not get one "thank you for the party mom!" That hurt but I let it go as she was very excited for the party.
Today she put on a shirt that was too small so I said she should wear this new cute shirt her friend picked out for her as a birthday gift. It's her favorite colors and fits perfect and she said she liked it when she opened it.
Our daughter started throwing a fit, saying she hates the shirt and we should throw it away. That she's never speaking or looking at me again and she hates the shirt and never wants to wear it. 
We explained to her that her friend carefully picked out this shirt as a gift with her favorite colors in mind and she needs to be more grateful. She just kept whining and yelling. My husband and I both called her a brat which yes I know was wrong but she would not stop screeching and almost woke up her sibling. 
I am just feeling mortified and upset. Is this normal 7 year old behavior or is this ungrateful? How do we fix this?

Accepted Answer

My guess is it wasn’t about the shirt—she might have been feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, disappointed about something else and the shirt sent her over the edge. Our job as parents is to teach our kids how to navigate this big world. Take the time to sit and listen to her, get to the bottom of the behavior, explain that it is okay to feel frustrated/upset/whatever, but it is not okay to yell and carry on like she did, then TEACH her how to deal with those feelings in a more appropriate way.

Answer

Does she throw fits often? Do you model the behavior you want her to display? You mention being teen parents and struggling until she was 3 but manners are free just need to be taught. My daughter is three and she says thank you to anyone that helped her or did something for her. We didn’t really do much to teach her either it’s just how we talk and she picked up on it.

Answer

Absolutely. Yes your daughter is very ungrateful and needs to be thaught manners. Not only for others but especially for her own good. I have learned from my mum to aways acknowledge when some one does a service for you. I know that today it is a given to just demand but it isn't good for anyone. I try to give everyone the same respect not only to people in higher positions. Just this morning when I went to get my coffee in a shop I greeted the person before ordering and she was so happy that I did she wasn't expecting a good morning. Which is sad. It takes so little to be a decent person. And if we aren't thaught by our parents then by whom? All my kids say thank you for everything, they even say thank you for cooking the food everytime we eat. It's what they see me doing and they all copy it. Everywhere I go if it is school or the clubs they play at, everyone is always telling me how polite they are. My boys have been made captain in there teams twice now after only joining the team a few weeks earlier, knowing hie to be politeand respectful comes with it's perks. I demanded from small on that they say please and thank you before I give them anything. I always say manners don't finish at home they start at home. I put a lot of emphasis on mutual respect.

Answer

At 7 they have to learn gratitude. You can't expect her to spontaneously thank you unfortunately, unless you've already drilled her on how important saying thank you is. A good strategy is next time your husband does something nice for her you tell her "Now, go say thank you to your dad for doing this." And your husband can tell her the same thing when you do something nice. If she throws a fit over that, then maybe she has to go sit in her room by herself for awhile. 
Kids really take their situation for granted, if you guys are doing nice stuff for her and not telling her to say thank you, then it never occurs to her that she should say thank you, it's just normal to her that you are always doing things for her.

Answer

Yes she’s very ungrateful. My two year old knows how to say thank you and be appreciative when she gets something.

Answer

It sounds like she hasn’t been taught manners or at least not when they are appropriate. My 3 year old tells me thank you for letting him take a bath a lot of times. He comes home and tells me thank you for cleaning the house. I have worked with him since before he could talk on manners. He does still need reminded sometimes. I make my son thank people for inviting him to parties and for coming to his parties. 
Her throwing a fit over the shirt doesn’t scream ungrateful to me. Kids throw fits. Most of the time we really don’t know why. She’s definitely old enough for you to have a conversation with her about it and dig deeper to find out the real issue. Maybe she had a fight with that friend. Maybe she really wanted the shirt that was too small. Maybe she just wanted to choose which shirt she wore. 
You don’t even have to teach her manners for real. You need to model manners. She will pick it up. Thank her for everything she does. Thank others for what they do. Say please. Say you’re welcome. I really think that’s why my son thanks me for little things like a bath. Even if I’ve told him to do something, I tell him thank you when he does it.

Answer

She's 7 and having a hard time with something. I would wait till cooler heads prevail and avoid using verbiage like "brat" and such. Thats not helpful, to the contrary harmful, and a typical mistake parents make in the heat of the moment. 
At a later time sit your kiddo down and try to figure out exactly what was bothering them in that moment. Kids that age don't have a fully developed brain yet and the centers that govern rational thought and impulse control aren't online in the same ways that ours are. 
Take a breath and talk it thru. 
Good luck.

Answer

sounds spoiled.

Answer

Anyone else thinking she was being nice and telling her friend she liked it so she didn’t hurt her friends feelings? Would you have rather her said she hated it to her friends face? I agree with the other comment though, it may not have been about the shirt at all.

Is she ungrateful ?

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