Long venting post I'll be surprised if anyone reads this I'm more just using it as a way to process my thoughts.

It took a long while and a surprise relaxed month to get pregnant with my son. He's turning two next month and for the last 3 months have been wishing I could go through the newborn stage again. Hubby wanted only one child but also fully knew what could happen if he didn't take precautions (he is absolutely fine with it now that it happened probably more excited then I am tbh) for me now that I'm pregnant (and way less symptoms actually no symptoms) I barely believe its true but when I do think about it I start to panic and have severe anexity about it. Are we ready for two? How is my son going to react? How can I possibly love another child the way I do him? I really disliked pregnancy I didn't have a particularly hard one but the normal annoying pregnancy things were hard and even though two months ago I was missing the kicks and the belly now all I can think of is the uncomfortable sleeps and nausea. I'm also hoping for a girl (obviously will be thrilled either way though) I'm worried about if it's a boy though because my son's name is super unique and I don't know how we're going to come up with a name to match its uniqueness without being weird. I work at night shift stocking shelves lifting pretty heavy boxes and pulling skids with jacks, I can't stand day shift so I'm worried about work because I also only worked until 13 weeks with my son because of a bleed that happened they put me on bed rest then my work just put me on leave till I had my son then I was on maternity leave hopefully this time that wont happen but I don't know how I'll be able to work with a belly. But Most importantly I'm dreading labor like full blown TERRIFIED of labor. I progressed for 24 hours at home from my very first contractions until I started to be sick and knew it was time to go to hospital. Every contraction I'd be sick which was unbearable the pain was obviously the worst thing I've ever experienced but being sick on top of it was just misery. I progressed pretty fast once at the hospital and got epidural after 2 hours of being there an hour after I was 9cm and they made me wait a couple more hours before I could push. They used a vacuum because my son's heartbeat was going down with each push. Thankfully only 45 mins of pushing 4 pushes with vacuum and he was out but I tore 2nd degree which sucked. The thought of possibly not having an epidural makes me wanna cry already. I truly don't think I'd be capable of doing it. Also so scared of having to have a c section or being induced. I'm just sad that I'm not as excited as I thought I would be.