TRIGGER WARNING:

My fiancés birthday was yesterday and we went on a date to the nail salon for mani/pedis. While we were there the lady that was working on his feet asked me if we had kids. I told her no.

Backstory: Our newborn baby boy passed away about 20 minutes after birth on 10-26-2022. I was 39 weeks and induced due to an “unstable lie.” I’ve been dreading this question because I don’t know what to say. He was our first and although I carried him, labored, and delivered him vaginally. I feel nothing like a mom. I have no baby to care for so who am I to take that title from those that actually mother?

I ended up telling her we do have one. But I was so nervous because I didn’t want her to ask how old he was, or is he keeping us up all night, or me having to bring up the fact that he died.

Once we left my fiancé said he never wants to hear me say anything like that again because we do have a child and we are parents. But I feel nothing like a parent or what I imagined a parent to be. This is so difficult.