Slept in male best friends bed, ended up spooning
Some backstory
I’ve been friends with this guy (m24) since we were 12 years old, over half our lives at this point. Friends, family etc. Have always said we should be together from a young age but we’ve always just said we are close friends.
Despite our friendship I am attracted to him, have been for years but only come to terms with it 2 years ago and didn’t want to ruin friendship.
Even though we’re in our 20’s we’re both total virgins, never dated, never even been kissed.
We went out for a few drinks with friends and I slept at his house (not a rare occurrence but usually there are other friends present as well).
We fell asleep on our accustomed sides of the bed but I woke up to him way over in my side of the bed and I could tell he was awake and wanting to move closer (picking his arm up, hesitating, putting it back down).
After a couple minutes I decided to turn over to face him, he moved his head onto my pillow and rested his chin on top of my head, we ended up holding hands and we’d squeeze the others hand to check in and make sure everything was okay, a squeeze in return meant we could move closer, entangle our legs etc.
I think we were both pretending to be asleep so we didn’t have to face the meaning of what we were doing. I had enough and told him that “this would be so much easier if you just put your arm around me” which made him laugh and he did just that, hand resting on my lower back.
When I turned over later on his hand stayed wrapped around me and his other arm went underneath my pillow and we assumed a very close spooning position, must have slept like that for hours but when I woke in the morning we were back on our accustomed sides of the bed. We got up, made breakfast and chatted like nothing even happened.
We can’t fool ourselves into thinking that we were unconscious because we clearly communicated. Everything was green flags all the way on both sides but now what? Did it mean nothing or did it mean everything?
I know for a fact that we’ve both never slept entangled like that in someone else’s arms and it was so goddamn intimate, he could feel my heart racing and I could tell he was slowing his breathing down to match mine.
Does all this sound platonic? Would you do this with someone you weren’t interested in? Is he just lonely and I seem like a safe option for affection? I love him and I think the world of him but I can’t help but think he’s gonna break my heart.
We’re going to the pub again next week with friends (no sleepover though) and I don’t know how to act, what to think. I’m totally naïve when it comes to men and have no idea what must be going through his head. I guess I just want advice on what you think this means for our friendship.
If you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask!
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