Gave birth 4th Oct and still traumatised

This was my second birth, I also had a traumatic birth with my first due to massive blood loss. I was classed as high risk labour as chances are it could happen again.

I got induced early as they wanted to control the labour, but it did not go well. Labour ended up taking over 12 hours, I was exhausted. After two hours of pushing and no progression, the decision was made for forceps.

However when they made the cut, I had 5 blood clots come away and started bleeding uncontrollably. I passed out, I didn’t get to hold my son and I woke up in intensive care after having lost 3 litres of blood.

I missed my daughters 2nd birthday as I stayed in hospital a week.

It’s been two months and I just think about the labour all the time. I can talk about it without bursting into tears now but I literally have nightmares over it.

Please tell me it gets better.