It’s been 7 weeks since the birth and loss of my 39 week baby boy. I was induced and had a perfectly uncomplicated, unmedicated labor and delivery. NICU was on standby due to meconium being present when my water broke 9 hours earlier. This was noted in my chart and we were unaware of this until after the fact. Once it was time to resuscitate my baby no one was prepared. Nurses had wrong size tubing, masks, x-ray was nowhere to be found, and my son ended up being stuck with 5 different epi pens. His breathing labored and eventually his heart rate dropped and they couldn’t get it back over 60bpm. It was complete chaos and the most traumatic experience of my life. Everything leading up to that moment was beautiful and everything after has been a mother’s worst nightmare.

When I show people my birthing video the first thing they comment on is my sons skin tone. They say doctors should’ve known something was wrong immediately because he was too dark. This was my first baby so I thought because he was African American he was supposed to look reddish/purple. Once he had passed his lips turned black and I was told that was due to a lack of oxygen. I am posting a screenshot of my video and asking for opinions on his tone. Please help. I just want to make sense of this.