This year has kinda been hell. I moved states in summer this year to be closer to my sick mother. Unfortunately, just a couple months after moving she passed away after almost 2 months in the hospital. It was slow and very very difficult to watch and there was a lot of added stress from my family during that time. A month later I lost my childhood dog suddenly which left me depressed. I’m still depressed. She was the only thing holding me together and I miss her so much. I still feel empty and lonely without her somedays. Here I am 3 months later after my mother has passed and I got my first job. It’s very labor intensive but I do like it and the people, but at work I’ve noticed I get so anxious and overwhelmed if I feel like I’m behind (which seems to happen to everyone as it’s fast paced) and at some point it feels hard to breathe, almost like my throat suddenly constricts. I have a history of anxiety and depression and take medication for it, which has been working really really well until my these last few months. I’ve slowly noticed an increase in anxiety that I cannot control and it hasn’t been this bad since I was a kid.

Now the thing is… it’s making it hard to work. Really hard. Today I didn’t go at all because my anxiety got so bad. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep calling out or leave early because of this so often, but I want this job. I don’t know if I should quit, figure this out, and then come back or what… I’m really lost and I feel stuck. I live with my dad and thankfully have the privilege of not needing to work for awhile, but I do really like this job.