Not really one to talk about my feelings but I’ve really been struggling these past few months!

I’ve got a 4 year old daughter and I’m currently almost 37 weeks pregnant with my son.

I just feel like I’m failing in every aspect of my life.

Struggling to put food on the table , struggling to pay bills , struggling to function like a normal person because I’m so worried!

I’ve worked ever since leaving school at 16 (now 27) this is the only time I’ve not worked due to starting a new job but found out I was pregnant and found out I had a low lying placenta so on so forth.

It was my daughters first big performance at one of her sport activities and I couldn’t even afford to buy one of her pictures 🥺 she looked so beautiful and i really feel like it’s completely pushed me over the edge.

We’ve come home and I just feel like I could sit and cry but I’m trying my best to hold it in until she’s gone to bed because I don’t want her to see me upset.

Our food shop is running low and I’ve only got £20 to last until the 31st , I’ve got a hospital appointment Tuesday and I have no idea how I’m going to get there with next to no diesel that I’ve been trying to save for the school runs for the week. The gas and electric providers are constantly in touch telling me that if I don’t pay my bill they will switch me to pay as you go which I definitely will not be able to afford as I’ve heard my friends say that £20 electric isn’t lasting them 2 days.

I’ve scaled back my outgoings to the bare minimum , the next step will be to have to cancel all my daughters activities but she enjoys them so much and she’s so talented that I just can’t bring myself to pull her out when she’s got so many friends and enjoys going.

I lie in bed and worry and just ask myself the same questions:

What sort of life am I living?

How did I get here?

How do I get out of this way of living?

What could I have done to prevent this happening?

I’m so worried that all this stress I’m under is affecting my son and the fact I’m not eating properly 1, because I have no appetite and 2, is rather my daughter eat.

I’m not after sympathy or anything really I just needed to get it off my chest so I can try to get through the evening