I don’t usually speak about my feelings very often but I’ve been so depressed these past few months.

Everything is a struggle and I feel like I’m failing.

I’m struggling to pay bills , put food in the cupboards and keep my car on the road.

I have a 4 year old daughter and almost 37 weeks pregnant with my son.

I’ve never struggled like this in my life and it would just happen to be while I’m pregnant.

Everything is getting on top of me and I can’t see a way out.

I’m miserable and also so deep in thought that its making me irritable.

I just want to be left alone so I can cry in peace 😂.

I try and keep a smile on my face because I don’t want my daughter seeing how miserable I am but it’s getting harder to keep that smile on my face even for her.

She had her first ever Christmas performance at one of her sports activities and I couldn’t even afford to buy one of the pictures and if I’m honest it’s completely pushed me over the edge.

I know something like that wouldn’t mean a lot to some people but I just felt like it was a moment that captured her first performance and something that we could look back on in many years plus she looked so beautiful and happy but I couldn’t get one and it’s left me heartbroken.

I’m already behind on my gas and electric and got my final warning through the post yesterday saying that they will put me on a pay as you go meter, some of my friends are on one and they say it’s the worst thing and how they sometimes find themselves getting through £20 in a couple of days even when they are using things consciously. I definitely cannot afford that but looks like I have no choice! I’m so scared il come home one day and they have changed it over and I’m stuck with no gas or electric.

My car needs new breaks and is forever on the bare minimum of diesel.

I just feel like a worthless mother! Who drives there child round in a unsafe car that could run out of diesel any minute leaving us both stranded!

I also worry about the effects it might have on my unborn son.

I’m not eating because I’ve got no appetite and I’d rather save the food for my daughter and I’m not sleeping because I can’t settle.

I just lie there and cry or just sit up thinking.

I’ve worked ever since leaving school and this is the only time I’ve not worked due to having a low lying placenta and the effects it’s had on me.

I fear I’m not being a good mum to my daughter because I have no patience anymore and I’m not fun like I used to be.

I can’t keep up this happy face much longer , each day that passes just gets harder and harder and more things pile up that I just can’t deal with.

I do not neglect my daughter, she’s clean , tidy , healthy and thriving at school and she’s always so happy.

I just don’t want my mental state rubbing off on her.

I’ve scaled back on my out goings but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference, the only thing I can do next is to stop my daughters activities but I can’t bring myself to do it.

She’s so talented and motivated and I don’t want her to loose that because she’s had the opportunity to excel taken away from her.

I’m not after sympathy or anything I just really needed to get this off my chest so I can make it through the evening so without breaking down into tears 😭.

I try my best every day but it’s obviously not enough! I’m so glad in a sense that I am pregnant and have become even more obsessed with cleaning because at least I can take comfort in the fact my house smells amazing and is organised.

I just don’t know how I’ve got here and what I’m supposed to do.

I have no one to turn to for help.

I have failed as a parent 🥺😢.

Sorry for the long rant and feeling sorry myself but I just really needed to get this out