Hi. So I'm having a hard time right now. Trying not to be upset yet again. All I want to do is cry. I'm 27. I've had pcos since I was 15 so the life of t is pretty 'normal' to me. I don't get periods. My fiancé and I have been TTC for over 2 years. I'm trying to get a new obgyn because the one I have now is just too far like in the next state across the bridge and doesn't do virtual visits, as well as he wasn't very helpful at ALL. And seemed very judgemental of my choices and how I wanted to do everything I could to get pregnant I guess because I was 'young' to him. I'm almost 30 im getting older and older I'm not 'young'. I'm not 16 or 19 or 20. I don't want to just be starting a family even if I can at 30+. So... He put me on clomid for 3 months. It did nottttttttthing. I wanted to switch and try the letrozole but he told me "there's no point you need to go see a specialist". Everyone else in the world that I either know has gone through fertility drugs and stories that people even post on here, their doctors have given them the chance for BOTH before saying they need to see someone. And I just don't have thousands of dollars sitting around for that. I'm currently not working either so that doesn't help. (Not by choice, looking for a new job). I take prenatals, folate, vitamin d, turmeric, b12 and occasionally fish oil daily. I think possibly the prenatals may have helped a small bit but I could be wrong on tracking my ovulation. I was told at 15 when they told me about pcos that I couldn't have kids. So it breaks me heart every day thinking about it never possibly happening. What's weird for me at the moment is that I've never had tests done to see if I actually ovulate... but for the past 9 months I have used the clearblue advanced because I can never understand the cheapie strips. I use the P Tracker app for notes and all. It does predict a 'normal 28 day cycle' so it predicts a period and my fertile window. So what's weird for me is that I've tested in my fertile window just to see something and somehow the last 3 months have been spot on from the app predictions whereas I'll get high fertility or the peak smiley. I don't have a 28 day cycle obviously. I have a "whenever it decides throughout the year to come" cycle. Now this month, I tested starting at 13dpo and got a questionable line. And the same for 2-3 strips after that. Yesterday and today (I know I shouldn't test every day but I'm one of those, I can't help it 😂😂) I got strips that the line just was super confusing but people were saying they were indents. I had never seen that kind of indent line before so I'm still questioning it. I'm currently 17dpo. I've had so many of the early pregnancy symptoms and I swore this was it. Went to urgent care and they did a urine test and was also negative but I feel as though I should wait maybe until this Saturday or Sunday to take another test. If it's really a no this month then it's a no and I can do what I have planned to do different for this next ovulation.

But anyway... all these negatives and what not are realllly taking a toll on me and I just need someone to talk to before I go insane. I've lost both of my best friends because of this depression I've been in over this for months. So I have no friends as of now. &All the heartbreak is starting to physically give me chest pain. 😭