My husband and I (both 25) have been together for 7 years, with two kids, 4 & 5.

Since I stopped taking the birth control pill and I started some medication about a year ago, I’ve gained 20kg.

And since then, my husband doesn’t want to be near me, let alone have sex with me. For instance, if I go and sit at the table with him, he’ll get up and move to the other side of the house. He doesn’t want to cuddle me or kiss me anymore, and sex is a HUGE struggle. Since coming off birth control, my sex drive has increased a lot. When he’s at work, I’ll send what I think are sexy photos and videos, but he doesn’t even care. He even complained to his workmates about my sex drive and all the stuff I’d like to do in the bedroom (which we have always done!) and they were gobsmacked that he was complaining, when they barely get sex, and when they do, it’s vanilla.

I mentioned my concerns to him just before Christmas and he laughed and said he was just waiting until Christmas to give me sex because his dick would be my Christmas presenting (joking that some women say that all they got their man for Christmas was pussy). Christmas came and nothing. So I sat down with him and tried to find out what’s going on and he kept telling me all these different reasons…but then I found out he’s been jerking off when I’m not home, and has been for some time.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like my marriage is falling apart, and not just because of sex. Intimacy in general is basically non-existent, and he won’t tell me why, or even consider seeing someone about it.