So this happened years ago. I was a freshman in college. Before college i never had a bf, had sex, not even a first kiss. (I grew up with the same people and i wasn’t really attracted to any guys).

My freshman year at college i was on a travel sport team and we went out of town for a competition. I stayed at this girl house (we were teammates and friends. I met her at college) anyways her family was very welcoming and we were drinking at her family house. Her parents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts were there. I remember getting tipsy and her cousin offered to walk me upstairs (they lived in a big house) and when we got upstairs he started kissing me and like pushing me into the wall. I told him stop and that i needed to go to bed. Then he pulled me from the wall and pushed me onto a bed and started kissing me and touching me and i told him to stop. I remember at one point he put his hand over my mouth and his other hand down my pants and was fingering me. I kept trying to say no and tried to get out of his hold. He took off my pants and was going to rape me but luckily he was having trouble with his jeans button so i kicked him and ran to my friend bedroom and cried myself asleep. I remember the next day i was scared to say something because these people welcomed me into their house and after that i withdrew myself from the girl friendship because of what happened. I really wished i said something or told my family but i was ashamed by it.

This the first time I’m talking about it to people (you guys).

I think I’m finally ready to talk about it because looking back at my past relationships and looking back at myself it took me a long time to enjoy sex and to be comfortable in my body. He ruined things for me. I was scared to be with guys afterwards and he ruined my experiences.

I really regret not saying anything and for finally talking about it and importantly getting it off my chest. This been the hardest secret of my life.