When eating a meal, dinner or lunch, should young children have their own seat at the table?

Some background. I had a 4 and 5 year old. When we have dinners at my in-laws, the kids have to sit on an adults lap.

I find it ridiculously strange, since there’s room for them to have their own seat. When we are home they have their own chairs. I can understand little babies being held for meals, like infants under a year old…. but like…. 4 and 5 year olds?

Both my kids hate it, so we have avoided going there for meals for a while. My kids don’t want to be held while they eat understandably and I almost feel like it’s kind of disrespectful towards my kids, like they are people too….

So anyway, is this normal?

When I ask my mother in law why they have to be held she just shrugged and said they don’t get their own seat until they are a little older

We are both Italian-Americans so I don’t think it’s a cultural thing since I didn’t grow up this way

My mother in law is also terrified of messes so that could be why too.