Does anyone have a secret formula for a husband with temper issues? How to react when he blows up, etc.

My husband isn’t ever physically angry, but he gets super super overreactive about things like poor service at a restaurant, people driving badly, me saying something that doesn’t make sense to him, etc.

He’s a veteran; just got out of the army and is in school — I’ve actually read that this anger issue is common with recent out-of-service vets! He is Jewish so Christian advice won’t work here. He’s also currently in therapy and taking anti depressants. He’s honestly great all around aside from this (helpful, clean, loyal, smart, honest, hard working — all the typical things you want in a man) but his temper seems to be either 0 or 100. And it’s becoming a deal breaker. We’ve gone to couples therapy but he always ascertains that I’m not the problem, he’s not the problem — “it’s all stupid people’s fault!” Yeah, ok guy. You’re ruining our family’s reputation. He wants to fire every therapist who suggests anger management classes. He’s isolating himself from help, it seems. He also treats his own father like shit. His father isn’t a bad guy?

Example: today I tried out a new outfit that I’d just ordered from Nordstrom and wore it out to target with him. I guess it was borderline not “target appropriate;” I genuinely didn’t realize how much the skirt would ride up. A stranger whistled at me and my husband got so verbally aggressive with this man, it scared me. Like seriously insulting this man to his face in every conceivable way possible. The manager of target asked us to leave. He couldn’t calm himself down and asked me to pull the car over and let him walk home. But seriously? Who SCREAMS at a stranger in the middle of target?? Like extreme yelling. Not normal yelling — SCARY YELLING!

Example 2: our neighbors are very sloppy. They leave a lot of trash by their mailbox and raccoons often get into and spread the trash through our front yard. He went over there and screamed in the wife’s face to the point where I could hear it from our house. She was crying too. I know it had happened several times before he “popped off,” but I had to convince him to go back and apologize the next day.

Idk ladies! It’s fucking embarrassing! He doesn’t treat me or our boys like this, but his overly-aggressive “0 tolerance for bullshit” policy is making me second guess this marriage. Anyone have experience with this? Is it fixable or should I consider cutting my losses here?

Update : to expand on him getting angry about me saying something that doesn’t make sense, here’s another example I’ll provide:

I was meeting my mom at a halfway point so that she could take our kids while we went on vacation together. He thought I planned it out poorly, ie tried to squeeze too many things into a short period of time. I insisted that I could make it work — well I couldn’t. The boys didn’t have time to eat before I dropped them with my mom, when I’d originally planned to hit a fast food place. I just wrote my mom a blank check when I got there instead. He wouldn’t speak to me after I got home. After a few hours of his silent treatment, I’d finished up my chores and went to sit down with him. He got up off the couch the minute I sat down, and I exclaimed “damn dude! What’s your deal?” He replied “you’re just a terrible planner. It pisses me the fuck off.” When I explained the kids had eaten with my mom instead, he tried to start an argument with the good ole “yeah, we’ll what if they didn’t?” I’m like “ok, I’ll plan better next time…” and he kept. Fucking. Going. Ignored me our entire flight lol. Like dude, what???

Anyway, please help a chill woman with a super NOT chill husband out! Any tricks? Genuinely starting to wonder if I should consider divorce.

Oh edit; we’ve been married 4 years, our sons are 1 and 2.5. He was pretty normal until he left the military. I mean, men are always (in my experience) a bit more intense than I am, but after he got out (just over 1 year ago) he went from slightly intense to BATSHIT CRAZY

“Making excuses?” I am not doing THAT, imo. I told you guys im considering divorce! Because i honestly am 🤷🏼‍♀️I mentioned he’s a veteran bc it seems to be relevant, based on my research. But yeah I don’t think there’s an excuse for his behavior AT ALL. Please don’t get it twisted! Y’all’s comments honestly have me researching divorce lawyers. This is kind of the validation I needed, which is sad because I love him, but I’m really getting worried/tired of this too 😓

“ticking time bomb” really resonated with me so thank you ladies who have said that. It makes me realize how bad this could be for me and my kiddos. UGH!!! Why are there so many trash men out there? I never thought my own husband would be one.