I’m sorry it’s long, I am breaking apart and just would like to not feel so alone

Nearly a year ago, I had an abortion. I would not have been able to give a child the best life. Financial, career and family life did not make it possible. I was always aware that that would be my choice, would I fall pregnant before I was ready.

But, I love children. Being a mother is one of my main goals in life. I am doing everything now so I can give my future children a good life of love and happiness. I have worked with children for use because I love them so much.

My partner at the time took the abortion really hard, he was extremely scared for me(which further freaked me out) and very obviously not okay. Which made me feel like I had to put on the brave face for the both of us. This has continued. I am not falling apart. I am no longer in the place where I feel like I must be strong for everyone but it was honestly easier

Because I am in so much pain. My heart, I, I don’t have the words

I want to scream and kick. I am so… sad? Hurt? In pain? There is nothing to describe this feeling. The tears will not stop, and I am so alone in it. I have tried reaching out to friends but they ask about how it felt and brush it off. But I am so…

My heart